As voracious readers and collectors of antique books, my husband, Mr. Chancey, and I thoroughly enjoy studying the lives of those who have gone before us. We often read aloud from biographies and autobiographies in the evenings, gleaning the thoughts and beliefs of men and women who lived in eras we can only see through the lenses of history. In our book-hunting expeditions we have also made it a point to look for etiquette and family living manuals and magazines, and we have managed to collect over a hundred of these, spanning the years 1832-1957. Although the wording of some books is laughably quaint ("Want of attention to regular eating habits is a frequent cause of derangement of the digestive organs." ~ from How to Behave, Fowler & Wells Publishers, 1856), most of the instructions are carefully thought out and beautifully presented. We have much to learn from the cultivated behavior practiced by our ancestors.

This page is here to share wisdom gleaned from history's pages, including period illustrations, paintings and photographs. Looking history in the face humanizes the cold charts and dull timelines and brings us closer to those who lived before us and established the foundations we enjoy today. We hope you enjoy this glimpse into times past, and we invite you to share from your own family collections. One of our relatives has said, "You cannot love your children if you do not love your ancestors." Appreciating those who went before us helps us to have a vision for those who will follow us. Learning from their mistakes and their triumphs makes us richer and wiser.

Soli Deo Gloria,
Mrs. M.L. Chancey

Proper Behavior

"Good Manners--well-bred behavior, based on the kindness of heart and courtesy of mind in which they originate--are a fundamental of civilized life."
~ from The Book of Good Manners by Frederick H. Martens (1923)

"Courtesy is the perfume of Christian grace. Its luster should be an expression of the best emotions of the soul. The word is derived from the French, and is closely allied therefore, in origin, with 'courtier,' which has an equivocal meaning. A courtier is supposed to possess elegant manners, cultivated however and used mainly for selfish ends. Politeness, which is the synonym of courtesy, is of nobler birth. It comes from a Greek term, signifying citizenship. As the divine kingdom is distinct in its laws, spirit and purpose, from the kingdoms of this earth, so too are its members held together by a supernatural life. They compose one body, ruled by one Supreme Head. Christian politeness is therefore the product of regeneration. Its roots are in the heart. They are watered from above. All, then, who are subjects of Divine grace, should be gracious, kind, considerate, courteous and polite in their deportment, and show forth the savor of the precious anointing they have received." ~ from Mother, Home and Heaven (1878)

Propriety and Modesty

"We are accustomed to seeing the sign, 'Hands off!' hung upon dainty fabrics--pure, spotless materials that would be injured and stained by the touching of a gloved or bare hand. People who admire the pure beauty of the article thus marked do not resent the sign. They see the wisdom of it and are willing to obey the mandate. For a fabric once soiled never looks the same again. To those who appreciate the beauty of youth, its pure freshness, the thought of its being touch by indiscriminate hands is abhorrent. We are not prudes, but the bloom of the peach is beautiful, and once rubbed off it can not be replaced. The snow-white fabric is too fair to be carelessly handled.... In nine hundred and ninety-nine cases out of a thousand a man will not take a liberty with a girl unless she allows it. I wish girls would bear this fact in mind! Men are what they make them, what they allow them to be. Men may pay attention to girls who ignore the conventionalities, who allow them doubtful liberties, but they like them because they are what they term 'fun.' Such girls are not those for whom men live, for whom they sacrifice bad habits, for whom they look in seeking a wife, and for whom they would bravely give up life if necessary. The true love of a good man is worth winning. It is not won by the girl who lowers herself in a man's eyes. To her might apply the time-worn toast of man to 'The New Woman: once our superior, now our equal.' A man must look up to that which he loves. The girls for whom men find life worth living are those who are ideals as well as companions. Dear girls, be happy, be merry, have all the harmless fun that God sends your way. But for the sake of the man who may one day seek you and win you--for the sake of the womanhood he would honor--let all men know that you are labeled 'HANDS OFF!' and that you are not to be cheaply gained. They will love you better, respect and honor you more for that knowledge." ~ from Present Day Etiquette by Virginia van de Water (1924)

Modesty by Bouguereau

"The second question to be decided in the selection and adoption of any kind of dress is, 'Is it modest?' Good taste and morality require that, 'Women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shame-facedness and sobriety,' which means that no manner of dress shall be used which suggest ideas of indecency. The modest woman seeks to escape rather than attract observation, and would assume no form of apparel with the design of notoriety."
~ from Good Morals and Gentle Manners by Alex M. Gow (1873)

Exercise

"The amount of physical exercise required varies with age, sex and temperament; but no person can enjoy vigorous health without a considerable degree of active bodily exertion. Four or five hours per day spent in the open air, in some labor or amusement which calls for the exercise of the muscles of the body, is probably no more than a proper average. We can live with less--that is, for a short time; but Nature's laws are inexorable, and we can not escape the penalty affixed to their violation. Those whose occupations are sedentary should seek amusements which require the exertion of the physical powers and should spend as much as possible of their leisure time in the open air."
~ from How to Behave (1856)

Ladies Volley
Tito Agujari
You May Order This Art Print through AllPosters.com

"It has happily become almost unnecessary to prove to Americans the great benefits resulting to mind as well as body from regular physical exercise. It is only, however, within a few years that gymnastic and calisthenic exercises have found a place on the school programmes of our best educational institutions.... We shall only say here that exercise is quite as necessary to health as personal cleanliness; and as ladies find time for the bath, and the multifarious duties and pleasures of the toilet, so can the make time for the daily calisthenic exercises."
~ from Harper's Weekly (1857)

Here are the illustrations from this edition of Harper's Weekly,
demonstrating the recommended daily exercises for women.
Click thumbnails for larger images.

Here are some delightful photographs of women enjoying golf and croquet.

Click thumbnails for larger images.

The Importance of Home and Hearth

"A truly good home is not only one in which God reigns, but it must be an attractive spot. Even all the conscientious Christian parents do not seem to find this out. The result is that the theatre, the billiard-saloon, the club, the convivial party manage to 'out-bid' the home, and to draw away the sons and the daughters. It is too often the fault of his parents, that a sprightly boy prefers some other evening resort to the stupid or disagreeable place in which he eats and sleeps. If his home were made more attractive he would not seek the haunts of danger and depravity. Nothing is so effective in fitting us for usefulness here and for heaven hereafter as a happy Christ-lighted home."
~ from Mother, Home and Heaven (1878)

Click the thumbnail for the large image.
This is a fascinating illustration from an 1870 edition of Harper's Bazaar. Unfortunately, some of the text gets lost in the fold of the magazine. It poses the question, "Will the coming woman do general housework?" and shows many of the occupations of the woman at home. Note all of the slogans contained in the pictures and the emphasis on the honor of work well done. (Warning, this is a large image. Give it time to download!)

"'Just as the twig is bent, the tree's inclined.' But who bends the twig? Who has the mind or character in hand while it is yet so flexible and ductile that it can be turned in any direction, or formed in any shape? It is the mother. From her own nature, and the nature of her child, it results that its first impressions must be taken from her. And she has every advantage for discharging the duty. She is always with her child--if she is where mothers ought to be--sees continually the workings of faculties; where they need to be restrained, and where led and attracted. Early as she may begin her task, let her be assured, that her labor will not be lost because undertaken too soon. Mind, from the first hour of its existence, is ever acting; and soon may a mother see that, carefully as she may study her child, quite as carefully is her child studying her.... She has but to watch, and she will find the embryo tyrant or philanthropist, warrior or peace-maker, with her in her nursery; and then, if ever, her constant prayer should be, 'How should I order the child, and what shall I do unto him?' For what he is to be, and what he is to do, in any of these characters, she must now decide. It is a law of our being that makes it so; a law that I could wish were written on the every mother's heart by the finger of God, and on the walls of her nursery in letters of gold, that the mind of childhood is like wax to receive, but like marble to hold, ever impression made upon it, be it for good or evil. Let her then improve her power as she ought, 'being steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work' which God requires at her hands; and let her know that her labor is not in vain in the Lord."
~ from Mother, Home and Heaven (1878)

Click the thumbnails for larger images.
Here are two more interesting illustrations from an 1870 edition of Harper's Bazaar. They contrast two views of home and child rearing. In the picture at left, we see the attitude of Grecian Cornelia, who considers her children rare treasures. At right we see the selfish "modern-day" attitudes of a group of women who find child rearing a terrible nuisance (evidenced by the quote from a NYC ladies' meeting below). Note the painting hanging in the background of the second picture. Sinful, selfish attitudes about home duties and motherhood are nothing new, ladies!

Mealtime Etiquette

"At table the guests should remain standing until all have found their places, when the host and hostess seat themselves, after which the others follow. The men should assist the women they escort before taking their own seats. Women may remove their gloves at table, and it is not necessary to replace them. They should be laid in the lap. The hostess generally determines whether the women should resume their gloves or not by her own actions."
~ from The Book of Good Manners by W.C. Green (1922)

"The exhibition of fastidiousness is extremely offensive to good taste. Young people should learn to eat what is set before them, and not be over sensitive and delicate. If there be anything unpleasant in the food, or unsuitable, put it quietly aside without attracting the attention of others. To ask for coffee, when tea alone has been provided, or to make a request for anything that will occasion trouble, and possibly annoyance, is very impolite."
~ from Good Morals and Gentle Manners by Alex M. Gow (1873)

Personal Habits

"Never pare or scrape your nails, pick your teeth, comb your hair, or perform any of the necessary operations of the toilet in company. All these things should be carefully attended to in the privacy of your own room. To pick the nose, dig the ears, or scratch the head or any part of the person in company is still worse. Watch yourself carefully, and if you have any such habits, break them up at once. These may seem little things, but they have their weight, and go far in determining the character of the impression we make upon those around us."
~ from How to Behave (1856)

Womanly Arts

"The true artist must be willing to study the past and work at an idea until it has been perfected for modern application. It is only tawdry clothes that have no background. Dresses correctly designed usually have their origin in old-time costumes, echoing back to a line, a silhouette, or a form of decoration that was in sufficiently good taste many years ago to be recalled for present designs. The wise designer observes closely all well-made, well-designed clothes, whether old or new, studying them as an art student would study a picture, namely, for effect, treatment and result."
~ from The Woman's Institute Library of Dressmaking: Harmony in Dress (1924)

Click the thumbnails for larger images.
These photographs were taken in 1899 in New York City and depict a group of young ladies learning to draft patterns, drape a mannequin and sew clothes. Notice their own charming outfits!

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