Are You a Homeschool Snob?

From ladiesagainstfeminism.com

Biblical Womanhood and Christian Living
Are You a Homeschool Snob?
By Kathy Burchett
Aug 25, 2006 - 7:13:00 PM

“Excuse me, but...are you Gary’s mom?”

“Yes,” I reply with a smile.

You see, those were the days before that question made me cringe; when Gary was still a pleasant kid who charmed everyone he met--before his TEENAGE years hit.

Unbeknownst to me, they’d shown up just a few days after he turned thirteen, and on this particular day they were getting ready to crash right on top of his unsuspecting mother full-force.

The speaker crossed her arms and pursed her lips while she went on to tell me his behavior in her co-op class was unacceptable. He’d rolled his eyes at her, and she was considering having him thrown out of the co-op.

I was a brand-new homeschool mom of less than a month. This was our second day at a homeschool co-op, which my kids and I loved. I was flabbergasted and horrified by her words.

“I’ve...um...never had a problem with him before....”

“Public school, right?”

Okay, to get the full effect of this statement, you have to pinch your nose and say it in a very condescending tone while holding your chin about an inch above its natural position. Go ahead...try it and see how it sounds. Now you get the picture.

Wait. There was more.

“At the risk of sounding like a homeschool snob...”

And she went on to sound like a homeschool snob, tearing down not only my homeschooling skills but my parenting skills as well.

I was smashed, flattened, disintegrated.

Keep in mind this all happened at a support group--a place one can rightly expect to find support. Right? Then why do so many people find judgment instead? I hear it over and over again: Good Christian homeschool moms torn down by other Christian homeschool moms under the guise of “helping” them. Let me tell you, Ladies, it doesn’t “help.” It hurts, and it hurts a lot. Coming up on seven years later, I am still smarting from it.

I do not want you to think I’m trying to deny that Gary was misbehaving at the time. I’ll be the first to tell you we had a problem with his attitude that wej were working to correct. I just wish this incident had been dealt with in a kind and gentle way. More Christ-like, so to speak.

I went home that day and cried for hours. I called every friend I had, which wasn’t many at the time, but, thankfully, the ones I did have were wonderful. They told me I was a good mother, that I could be an effective homeschool mom--all the things I needed to hear. I thank God for these friends, because I might have quit homeschooling right then and there before I even got started.

Please, Ladies, pray hard before you approach someone about their children’s behavior. I know sometimes it has to be done, but it can be accomplished in a loving way that makes it clear you care about the child and you care about the parent. Two of my closest friends never hesitate to tell me when my children have misbehaved, and I appreciate it. Why do I appreciate it? Because I know they love me and my children and truly want to help. There is no threat of losing their friendship or even their respect. They only want me to be aware of the misbehavior so I can correct it in the child. It is actually a vote of confidence in my parenting skills that they think I will deal with the situation.

We as Christians are to love one another and bear one another’s burdens, not add to them. I know people who are truly Christian but who are afraid to be around Christian people for fear of “not measuring up." Ladies, it shouldn’t be this way anywhere in the Church but especially in a support group. We are there to help each other. Otherwise, we should just go home.

Besides, you never know what God has in store. A child you deem hopeless could be one in which our Lord sees great potential.

Unfortunately, two or three years later, this same woman was overheard still talking about this experience with my son, even though he apologized to her at the time and thought he was forgiven.

Thankfully, my son was blissfully unaware of this while he matured and renewed his relationship with the Lord. Over the years, he grew spiritually and now at age 19 feels called to missions. I recently found this paragraph on his My Space site:

I love God more than anything and I now feel that I am called into ministry to glorify him. I plan on attending a YWAM DTS in January...(Youth With A Mission - Discipleship Training School), if all goes according to plan. For you all that don't know, that is a 6-month school that prepares youth for missions and opens up doors for the mission opportunities.

I’m so glad God doesn’t give up on us when we’re thirteen, or thirty, or any time at all, even if we misbehave. Aren’t you?

God bless you, and have a great day.

"And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing..." (1 Corinthians 13:2)