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Femininity & Modesty
Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands. ~ I Peter 3:3-5
But the LORD said unto Samuel, “Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.” ~ I Sam. 16:7
When it comes to feminine modesty, these two scriptural passages have to be two of the most misunderstood in our day. On one side of the divide, we have those who believe that modesty consists in wearing drab, shapeless garments without any ornamentation whatsoever. Those in this camp often forbid the use of jewelry, colorful fabrics, and fancy hairstyles (in some other religions, they require the wearing of head-to-toe robes with veils that completely obscure the face). On the other side of the divide, we have those who believe what counts is only what is in the heart, since, after all “the LORD looketh on the heart.” It doesn’t matter what I wear (or don’t wear), as long as I know my heart is right with God. We do, of course, have variations on these two themes up and down the scale in endless variety. But the problem with both views is that they embrace a different form of Gnosticism.
Gnosticism is the belief that the body—the physical—is either something to be kept out of sight and shunned or that it just doesn’t matter at all, since we are spiritual beings with a heavenly focus. But we cannot escape the fact that we are corporeal beings. We cannot escape the fact that, when God speaks of the Church, He uses physical imagery (“the Body,” “the Bride,” etc.). We would agree with the members of both camps that what is in the heart is of primary importance, but we would ask how the state of the individual’s heart is supposed to manifest itself in real time on planet earth?
When Christ rebuked the Pharisees, he told them, “[O]ut of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things” (Matt. 12:34b-35). This is the crux of the matter. What is in our hearts will—whether we want it to or not—spill outward and adorn our lives, painting either a beautiful or a grievous picture of what is within. Yes, God looks at our hearts, and what is in our hearts is of chief importance. But the other half of what God told Samuel as he searched for the chosen king of Israel is that man can only see the outward part of another man. Like it or not, humans do judge a book by its cover. It is a fact of life, unfair as it might seem. Only God has the privilege of seeing into our hearts. However, we do have the opportunity to show other men what is in our hearts by our actions, our demeanor, and, yes, even by the way we dress. This is where the issue of modesty comes into play.
God does call us to modesty. To say He doesn’t care what we wear is to do violence to His Word, which shows us from cover to cover that the outward adorning plays an important part in the message we communicate to others. Those in either of the Gnostic camps would have us believe that dress is unimportant (unless you are breaking the man-made rules of the first camp or imposing any boundaries upon the latter camp). Unfortunately, modesty has come to be seen as a synonym for “frumpy,” “boring,” “ugly,” or “uptight.” It is none of these things. When God created man male and female, He proclaimed His creation “good.” It is a good thing (a wondrous thing!) that men and women are unique, each with their own shape and function within the whole that is humanity. When God calls men and women to cover themselves, He expects them to say “amen” to the differences He calls “good” by being unique in the way they dress. This means that the way a woman dresses should distinguish her from a man (and vice versa). For millennia, men and women have dressed in just such a way (yes, even in the days when they both wore long robes!). Our modern, androgynous culture has simply robbed us of our birthright as women, dressing us like scarecrow versions of men and calling it “good” and “equality” and “our right.” But we are not to “amen” what the world calls “good.” We are to heartily amen God in the way we dress and behave as women.
Modern Womanhood
Original illustration by Scott Brooke | 
Lady Agnew of Lochnaw
Portrait by John Singer Sargent |
Here is an example of the contrast we are talking about. The woman on the left has buried her God-given distinctiveness under layers of drab, mannish clothing. In her heart, she might be a delightful, sweet woman, but her exterior is telling a different story. While we do not have the right to judge the state of her heart, it would be difficult for someone to see that her heart is living a different story than her garments are telling us. The beautiful Lady Agnew on the right portrays a serene, delicate femininity. Again, we do not know the state of her heart, but the story her clothing tells us is one of a woman who delights in her uniqueness as a woman and finds it wonderful to express that femininity in a visible way. Feminine modesty isn’t just about the exact square inches of flesh covered up—if that were the case, the woman on the left would win the “modesty” contest. But God doesn’t call us to utterly erase our womanly distinctiveness by wearing the equivalent of tents. A woman’s clothing needs to say “feminine” just as a man’s clothing needs to say “masculine.” Rules of modesty that insist upon an unisex, frumpy, or even uncared-for appearance do not say “amen” to what God calls good.
The Gnostics in our first camp would argue against the frills, bright colors, and the jewelry of Lady Agnew, harking back to the supposed rules against this in I Peter 3. But this takes the passage out of the context of all of Scripture. Who is held up for our esteem in the passage? It is Sarah, who was so beautiful that Abraham feared someone would kill him in order to get her. Beauty is not wrong; it is God-given. Look at other women who are praised throughout scripture for their physical beauty and womanliness:
- Rebekah (Gen. 24:16 + 26:7), who is so beautiful that Isaac commits the same sin as Abraham did when he insisted his wife was only his sister!
- Abigail (I Sam. 25:3), who is called both beautiful in appearance and intelligent.
- Esther (Esther 2:7), who was already very beautiful, but then spent one full year in a spa being made even more beautiful in preparation to become the queen of Persia.
- The Proverbs 31 woman, who clothes herself in purple and scarlet and fine linen.
- The woman of the Song of Solomon, who is praised for her physical beauty throughout that entire book.
- The Bride of Christ—the Church—which is described in Ezekiel as a beautiful woman decked with fine clothing, pearls, and jewels.
The point here is not that we should become proud, ostentatious women who think of nothing more than our appearance. Of primary importance is the state of our hearts. A proud, haughty, rude, or bitter woman with beautiful clothes on is like a pig with a gold ring in its snout (Prov. 11:22). In Matthew 23:27, Christ declares that being beautiful on the outside and corrupt on the inside is like being a whitewashed tomb, full of dead men’s bones. But we must strike a balance here, taking care not to throw the baby out with the proverbial bathwater. What God has called “good,” we do not have the right to call “bad.” Our differences as women are good and beautiful. The gentle and quiet spirit extolled by Peter certainly must be our aim, but we must not then ignore our outward appearance as though it is of no consequence. That appearance springs from our hearts and must be an accurate reflection of our status as Christian women beloved of God.
Our womanly beauties are precious and to be cherished rather than exploited. The rampant immodesty of today’s “fashions” should be completely eschewed without a second thought. Our sexuality isn’t something of which we should be ashamed (God called it “good”), but it is also not something that is for public consumption. Instead, that sexuality is a kind of “holy of holies” intended for a woman to share with only one man. When we make it public, we demean our sexuality and declare to the world that what God intends to be private is of no matter; if culture calls us to be exhibitionists, exhibitionists we will be. Again, we are telling the story of our hearts through what adorns our outsides. The woman who exposes what is private and precious to public view tells the world that she is unprotected and even cheap. Such a woman might be insulted if someone acted upon the message her clothing communicated—she doesn’t think she is cheap or easy, after all; she’s just wearing what she likes. A modestly dressed woman of times past could demand an apology for an insult to her honor, but only because her clothes communicated the fact that she was a woman of honor. This does not excuse the behavior of the cad who insults a woman or treats her cheaply. Men should conduct themselves with honor no matter what the woman’s clothing communicates, but this doesn’t mean women are free from responsibility in this matter, either. We need to strive to communicate through our clothing that we are beloved, cherished and precious women. Even a woman without a loving father or husband can tell the world through her clothing that she is a rare jewel, a woman of honor whose adornment reflects a heart spilling over with purity, joy, gentleness, peace, kindness, and godly radiance. This is God’s view of women, and it is one we should embrace with delighted abandon. “The royal daughter is all glorious within the palace; her clothing is woven with gold. She shall be brought to the King in robes of many colors” (Psalm 45:13-14a).
We at LAF challenge you to ask yourself some key questions: Has modern egalitarianism really elevated our uniqueness as women? Has it made us more cherished or special? Is the way we dress not a reflection of the heart within? Throughout history, women have expressed their femininity through beautiful and uniquely womanly ways of dressing. This isn't about pants versus skirts or lace versus denim. It goes deeper than that and raises questions about Who made us, why we are different and how we can express those differences with beauty and modesty. The articles in the Femininity and Modesty section deal specifically with our current culture's obsession with egalitarianism in dress and seek to call us to something higher and better.
Now, it is important to note that having a beautiful standard for dress does not license us to judge others or condemn them. A modestly clad woman with a proud, look-at-how-modest-I-am air has missed the point entirely (and exhibits the pride within her heart). God’s Standard judges us first, each time we look in the mirror. We need to approach the topic of modest, feminine dress with humility and charity, even while proclaiming the biblical standards unashamedly. As Rev. Steve Wilkins writes:
We may not be defensive when others disagree with us on matters of secondary importance and on truly debatable issues. Many things about the Christian life and thought are not debatable. The Bible is a clear revelation, and the vast majority of topics and issues are actually quite easily settled by reference to the Scriptures. Yet we also recognize that all things are not equally plain to us, as the Westminster Confession says. These things are plainly revealed, but we do not understand them as clearly as other issues, and so at those points we must not become fanatic about our own little convictions. In issues over which godly Christians disagree and have in the past disagreed, we must not be offended when others fail to see it as we do. This sort of disagreement may be holy and sincere.... If a believer were to surround himself only with those who agreed with him on every particular of the faith, he would never grow in understanding. He would be 'right' about everything, never knowing whether or not he held certain wrong or indefensible positions. Holy differences are a means by which we grow in our understanding and discernment, clarifying and solidifying the understanding of our faith. (Face to Face, Canon Press, 2002)
So we want to approach the topic of feminine dress with love for one another and humility. Let us be gracious even as we seek to uphold a standard of modesty. We also want to make it clear that this Standard isn't for the privileged class only. It is more than possible to dress decently and beautifully without much money. While Lady Agnew (pictured above) was certainly born into wealth and privilege, her beauties are not unattainable for those of us without her means. With ingenuity and a good eye, anyone can create a lovely, feminine wardrobe at very little cost. And, naturally, we are also called to clothe the poor and reach out our hands to them as the Proverbs 31 woman, Dorcas, and others did. This is our great honor and delight as Christians, and we should seek to give our best in this area.
Egalitarianism has tried to convince women that dressing like a sloppy man is a compliment and a privilege. We at LAF say, "The empress has no clothes!" Time to find femininity again and glory in womanliness. Time to realize that modesty is the real secret of feminine power. It’s time to return to maidenhood and womanly beauty. Won't you join us?
Soli Deo Gloria,
Mrs. Chancey and Mrs. Sherman
Put even the plainest woman into a beautiful dress and unconsciously she will try to live up to it.
~ Lady Duff-Gordon
She remembered that once, when she was a little girl, she had seen a pretty young woman with golden hair down to her knees in a long flowered dress, and she had said to her, without thinking, "Are you a princess?" The girl had laughed very kindly at her and asked her what her name was. Blanche remembered going away from her, led by her mother's hand, thinking to herself that the girl really was a princess, but in disguise. And she had resolved that, someday, she would dress as though she were a princess in disguise.
~ from The Shadow of the Bear by Regina Doman (Bethlehem Books, 2002)
What This Section Is Not About:
- Man-made, legalistic codes of modest dress (the Bible doesn't give us a uniform!).
- Pharisaical self-righteousness about our own supposed "success" in the area of modest dress.
- A haughty demeanor and lack of compassion toward others.
- A judgmental spirit that looks on externals without loving the person behind the clothes.
- Modest dress on the outside with a bitter attitude in the heart.
- A double standard of modesty for women and men (men must be modest also!).
What This Section Is About:
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