Femininity & Modesty
Modesty without Frump
By Mrs. Eva H.
Dec 26, 2007 - 5:48:09 PM

For many people the mere word modesty will make the association with unattractive, frumpy and baggy clothing: loose, hanging dresses with gigantic flower patterns; nothing but plaid; or chunky jumpers over a long-sleeved turtleneck. Of course, if someone wishes to dress that way, if that is their personal style, they are entitled to that choice. But choosing to dress modesty does not limit you to this. A woman can be stylish and modest at the same time. In fact, I would even say that women who decide to dress modestly out of a personal conviction about their intrinsic value as a woman created by God have an even more sacred duty to dress themselves in a way that allows their beauty to shine.

Being stylish and showing womanly beauty is very different from displaying your sexual attributes. While we love to help out our brothers fighting against temptation, it is not our responsibility to avoid any temptation for men by denying ourselves as women in our appearance. It is our responsibility, however, not to deliberately add extra temptation by displaying those areas that are known to be most arousing to most of the male population.

While I do think it is important to listen to men about things that incite lust in them, I think it is equally important to realize that some men could get excited by very innocuous things. I cannot avoid that a turn of my head, a smile, the light on my hair, or perhaps the way I stand outlined by the sun at a certain moment in my life might be triggering something within a man. There is a balance to strike here: while I will not flaunt and display my chest for the entire world, I also will not try to hide the fact that I have a feminine shape. God made me a woman; He shaped me like one. I don't need to prove that by "bringing my melons to the market," as we say in Dutch, but I also don't need to hide the fact. That would be telling God he made a mistake.

What I want to try, though, is to learn from my brothers if there are any specific things that incite more lust than attraction. Do I believe it is a man's responsibility to keep his mind pure? Of course. Would I like to help him do that? Absolutely, just as I appreciate all the help that any man would give me to keep my thoughts pure. This is not a matter of trying to shove off responsibility for anything to either the male or female sex. It's a matter of all of us trying to help each other, without bitterness or anger.

Since we were in the US for over three weeks, and New York was the start of our voyage, we had an enormous suitcase, and in the NY subways, there are no elevators. Guess what? I've had some gallant man haul it up for me each single time. These were not men that knew me. They didn't have a chance to get to know me; we were just strangers that passed way for a moment. And yet something prompted them to this courteous behavior.

The way you dress and the choices you make influence people, because they give an image of who you are when others do not have the time or opportunity to know you further, which is the case for most of the people that see you in church, in the supermarket or on a picture on the Internet. Each choice you make is a part of your personality, and dressing is a very visible choice. It is therefore important that the message is not an unattractive one. This is not about unnatural means to project a false, Hollywood beauty, but about allowing the beauty of God's creation in you to be visible.

Mrs. H. has written many articles for LAF in the past when she was "Miss Eva B." We welcome her back!