Homemaking and Other Practical Topics
Don't Fear Failure!
By Mrs. Martin (Kimberly) Eddy
Jun 5, 2005 - 10:56:00 PM

Would you like to be a Proverbs 31 woman, but feel that you have too many strikes against you? Maybe you didn't have a mother who taught you how to sew, cook, bake bread, garden, can, and crochet doilies. Well, join the club. I didn't either. However, today, I sew most of my own clothes, I cook, I bake bread, I garden, and I can. I don't crochet doilies, but I have a daughter who taught herself how! Let me let you in on a little secret: most of these things are best learned by doing them!

"I'd be afraid to try that!"

How many times have I heard that from sweet ladies who want to learn various womanly arts, but are too gripped with fear to attempt to begin? My dear sisters, let's not be so overcome by fear that we fall into slothfulness. After all, the just person "falleth seven times, and riseth up again" (Proverbs 24:16). True failure is not in making a mistake but in not getting up again!

A friend of mine called me for the fifth time in one day, asking me a question about bread making. As she attempted to make bread for the first time, she was calling up with all sorts of concerns, worries, and questions. My friend was in a panic over the possibility of making a mistake every step of the way. She wanted to make perfect bread, even though this was her first time ever using her new wheat grinder, and ever making whole-grain bread. Actually, it was her first time ever making bread, period. I talked her through it, then hung up.

One of the greatest reasons many people do not attempt things they want to learn to do is fear of failure. They are afraid the bread won't rise, or the garden will fail, or their sewing project won't look good. They are afraid to open their doors in hospitality for fear of not being good enough, of making some mistake along the way.

Many of us who enjoy this ministry of Ladies Against Feminism and other such websites long to be the Proverbs 31 woman. We want to have the vineyard, and sew, and make fabulous homemade meals. However, few of us will take the next step and begin to attempt these things. We can never learn enough to become expert seamstresses, cooks, hostesses, gardeners, and homemakers by simply reading about it. There comes a point where it is time to put the books and articles down, shut off the computer, and do it.

The Lord teaches us, in His Word, "Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counselors they are established." (Proverbs 15:22). We are to always be willing to "Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end" (Proverbs 19:20). It is always wise to seek out counsel.

The Bible also warns us that there are those who will fritter away their lives seeking counsel and "learning" but not doing anything with what they have learned. Twice in the book of Proverbs, the Lord tells us, "The slothful man saith, 'There is a lion without, I shall be slain in the streets'" (Proverbs 22:13; 26:13). Being fearful of what might happen, and therefore doing nothing, is not a sign of prudence but of slothfulness, according to the Lord. Even in the parable of the talents, the wicked servant was the one who was fearful and buried his "talent," and only gave it back, safely, to his master (Matthew 25:14-30). People in the last days are described by Paul as "Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth" (2 Timothy 3:7). As would-be virtuous wives, we must take care not to let fear of failure keep us constantly seeking knowledge but never applying it.

After that phone conversation, my husband and I began talking about failure and success and how closely the two are connected. My husband regaled the children with tales full of laughter and of life when we were first married. It was all in fun, of course, as he told the children that my delicious bread used to be like hockey pucks and that my first garden was a real flop. Daddy told the story of his own failures too--the pitiful shelving unit he made that imploded one afternoon, the shed that fell to pieces after we filled it, and even the stories of the early days of parenthood, neither of us knowing the first thing about raising children.

"Children, listen carefully," my husband said. "Your mother and I are the people we are today because we are just adventurous enough not to fear failure. Sometimes we have acted too rashly and have learned from those mistakes, but many times God has let us learn and grow and do all sorts of amazing things just because we are willing to try things after we have learned as much as we could from a book. Books are great, but they can't teach you everything. Some of it you have to learn by trying."

I sat there thinking of many of the things I do regularly now. One of my daughters' friends told her mother that there was nothing I couldn't do (not quite!). In fact, her mother and a few other friends of mine often tease me, “Is there nothing Mrs. Eddy can’t do?” Upon reflection, so many of these things were learned through some failure while trying.

Growing up, I lived in constant fear of making a mistake. In my family, you do it right or you don’t do it at all. I think many people were raised with this mentality, whether or not they realize it. After I was saved at the age of 21, the Lord delivered me from fear. My new motto became, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).

When I decided to start baking bread, my mother (who does not cook!) said, "How do you know anything about making bread?"

"I don't. I just have a recipe here, some instructions. I watched someone do it once," I explained.

"What if it doesn't turn out?" she asked.

"Oh Well, then the bread doesn't turn out, and I must try to figure out what went wrong, and try again." God just put it into my heart that the worst that could happen was flat, hard bread. The world would not end.

My husband would share with each of you how many years he patiently endured bread that was not quite what it should be, and now reaps the benefits of bread that is, in his words, "Sheer perfection!" I learned to bake bread by baking bread. Ladies, if you want to learn to bake bread, after reading over the basic instructions and understanding the technique, you have to bake bread. As you try and possibly fail a few times, you will eventually get it. Baking bread can't be a purely intellectual exercise!

Please do not misunderstand me. I am not advocating recklessness. The Bible says that we are to make plans using many counselors. To use the bread-baking example, I first read up on making bread. I watched it done. But after a while, there is only so many bread-making instructions you can read before you have to dive in and get your hands in the dough.

When I decided to prune some dwarf fruit trees to espaliers, most people were shocked that I would try such a thing. Espaliers are European-style, trellis-pruned fruit trees, designed to maximize space in small European gardens, though one hardly sees them here in America. I simply went online, read a few websites (mostly in French and German, since the English ones only told you where to buy pre-pruned Espaliers!), and then did it. Each year, as I try to figure out where to prune some more on my three-year-old Espalier apple and pear trees, and as I watch them take shape, I learn more and more about Espaliers. Come on. What's the worst that can happen? My fruit trees will not look as pretty as those in Paris and Vienna?

A new neighbor stopped over, and looking across my 1/4 acre garden, complete with vineyard, orchard, and berry patch, asked me how I knew how to grow those things. She wanted to get started in home fruit production.

"Well," I said, "I dug some holes, added some compost, and stuck them in."

"But, how did you know what to do?"

"I didn't," I answered honestly, "but when something doesn't look so good, I trouble shoot it with my many gardening books, and I learn another thing I didn't know before about my trees, plants, and vines."

Too simplistic? If you wait until you understand all of the gardening science and theory in most garden books, you will likely never dig your first garden bed or plant your first vineyard. Each year I learn a little bit more. Sometimes it is a lesson in what does not work for mulch or what does not work so well as a tomato cage. Sometimes it is a lesson in what does work quite well that I can implement in other parts of my garden.

Each year, things get a little bit better, but I had to start somewhere. I started by digging a hole, adding some compost, and sticking a plant in. I started by reading about how to prune an Espalier, then trying it on some poor tree I bought. I started by mixing together yeast, flour, and water, kneading well, and baking after it rose. You have to start somewhere, and the hardest part is simply starting.

So, would you like to be a Proverbs 31 woman? Start today!