Homemaking and Other Practical Topics
No Need of Spoil
By Kimberly Eddy
Sep 14, 2007 - 2:06:04 PM

A help mate's job is to help her husband. Sounds simple enough, doesn't it? Ah, but the practical application of this truth is not so easy. So many times I have meditated on the different portions of Proverbs 31:10-31 and prayed to the Lord for empowerment to be that sort of wife for my husband. Then there are also those times, when faced with an “impossible” or unpleasant situation, that I would rather not even think about the Proverbs 31 woman and her “perfect” legacy.

One such time was back when my husband's pay was initially cut back at the start of this recession. We suddenly had to live on 1/3rd of his normal income. That week, my husband handed his help mate $40 for the groceries, with some regret, explaining it was all he could afford to give me, and that this was all he would be giving me until at least the end of the year. Of course, as you might imagine, I did what any other “virtuous-wife-wannabe” would do in a similar situation. I balked. I cried. I whined. I had a hissy fit. I told him that it couldn't be done. I quoted the statistic I had recently read about the “average” thrifty family of four spending $121.00 a week for groceries (according to 1 Official USDA Food Plans: Cost of Food at Home at Four Levels, U.S. Weekly Average, January 2006, www.cnpp.usda.gov), and I reminded him that we were in fact a family of seven.

The problem was, if we were to continue to work towards paying off debts, especially medical bills, we needed to continue paying more than the minimum amounts on those bills as long as we could make it work, and the best place to trim was the groceries, so long as we could.  “My dear,” he finally said, hugging me, “I have confidence in you. I know you can make this work.”  In the back of my mind, I heard the words of Proverbs 31, “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.” (Proverbs 31:11). Lord, help me to be that woman.  

My mind suddenly began to race around and I realized that because I like to be prepared, I had a plentiful pantry. I purchase many things in bulk, and I canned many more things. Our pantry was quite full of the basics at that moment, and all it took was some prudent planning on my part and God's grace in this area to make our new budgetary restrictions stick. It was not always easy to do this, but the Lord certainly enabled me in this area, as I sought Him.  

That was four years ago. My husband continued to hand me just $40-$60 each Thursday (with the price of groceries going up that figure is now more like $80-100 per week, though it varies), for groceries for the week, up until almost a year ago, when he got a new job with a significant pay raise. We had lived four long years with no raise. In fact, he had a paycut since the original “poverty week.” Instead of viewing it, as some have implied, like God had turned His back on us, we saw it entirely differently. The Lord was rather teaching us that He is our true provider, and He has helped us both, especially me, to learn to gather my manna one day at a time. This whole situation has increased my faith in God, for we never went hungry and without our basic needs. If anything, we came to see more clearly what our true needs actually are, and experience true joy in Christ. We have learned to focus more on Him in our household. God never failed to provide for us, and He often added many extras on top of our basic needs.  

A month and a half after my husband got his new job, the parent company of his shop elected to shut down the shop and put everyone out of work. We were back to square one. He has gone through several new jobs in the last few months, each time a lack of work laying him off, though we believe his most recently acquired job is going to stick; after all, they gave him a shirt with his name on it! Through it all, God has shown Himself faithful time and again, nerve-wracking though it is.  

At the different stores I shop, a friend noticed me buzzing through the aisles on auto-pilot and teased me about looking like a woman on a mission. I suppose I am. I know exactly what to do with that money, and exactly how much each item costs, and I spend very little time browsing any more. During those months when there is a fifth pay day (instead of only four pay periods), we used the money for those occasional expenses, and for doing a huge bulk shopping run up to our Bulk and Natural Foods source to replenish the pantry. Each summer, we tend our fruit trees and bushes, which continue to grow. In the spring we plant those seeds we harvested from the plants the year before, and by late summer we again enjoy a bountiful crop of fresh fruits and vegetables from our Lord.

Over the last few years, I have become very good at making the best of the bare bones basics.  I don't believe, though, it is about only spending $60 a week on groceries, or about pinching pennies. We can live frugally with a wrong focus and not please the Lord, just as easily as we can live lavishly with a wrong attitude and displease the Lord! As the Lord has taught me over the last few years, I have come to realize that being the sort of wife that my husband's heart can safely trust in, who makes sure that her husband has no need of spoil, is more about trusting in the Lord and focusing in on my husband, than reading up on techniques for saving money. We can be frugal with the wrong hearts and not bless our husbands. We can be trustworthy in many ways, yet still not have our husband's heart, or be pleasing to God. We can be diligent in our ministry of shopping and not be true help mates for our men, and daughters of the King of Kings.  

How can we, as prudent help mates, honor our husbands and make sure our husbands have “no need of spoil”? I would like to share with you some key principles the Lord has taught me along this journey:  

1. Pray and trust your true Provider (the Lord) to make it possible. Perhaps it has been used as a slogan so often that we no longer believe deep within our souls the incredible reality of the Lord as our Provider God. “God is my Provider” is my motto in life now. It is not just something to be printed on a bumper sticker, or painted onto a banner; this truth is a source of incredible hope and help for me as I minister to my husband and family. Do you trust God? I mean really trust Him? Do you believe that God has provided you with exactly what you need, nothing more or less?  God can move on your husband's heart to give you more money for groceries if that is His will. He is able to give your husband a raise in His perfect timing and will.  More than simply handing you more money, the Lord can provide for you by guiding you in smart shopping and great deals. He can provide you with better sources of what you need. The Lord can even give you the grace to make your wants fewer, and to be content in whatever you have.

2. Be Content with What Your Husband Earns, Ladies. Having been raised in an upper middle class home with everything (yet thought they were “poor” because they didn't have all that they thought they needed), and living now in a household earning significantly less and feeling like a queen, I can honestly say that wealth is an attitude of the heart. A wise man once said that we can all choose to be rich by making our wants few. The Apostle Paul taught this truth as well when, under inspiration of the Spirit, he wrote, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” (1 Timothy 6:6) A truly content person feels wealthy and blessed with whatever God has provided for her, be it a bag of beans in a tar paper shack or a steak dinner in a fine mansion. As wives, our attitudes towards what God has provided through our husbands have a huge effect on how a man feels about himself. This may seem hard for a woman to grasp, but many men's self-worth is closely tied to how much he earns and is able to provide for his family. God wired into our men a desire to provide for their families, and to work hard to put food on the table, as this is His plan. As help mates to our husbands, we can show them a great deal of respect and honor by treating what they bring home as great riches, even if it is, by the world's standards, a meager amount.

You can make your husband feel like the poorest man on the planet even if he earns a good wage, simply by desiring more and more. On the other hand, you can make your husband feel like a rich man when you check your attitude and are blessed with the plenty he provides. Make him feel like a King, not a pauper, and then you will be Queen. It is all about your attitude in this matter! How we present the resources we are given to spend on groceries, clothing, and household items also is closely tied with our attitudes and our husbands' view of themselves and their ability to provide.

A wife who purchases frugal groceries can either slop a pile of flavorless rice and beans onto a plate, or she can prepare an elegant meal out of properly seasoned and prepared staple foods such as rice and beans, and present it at the table in such a way that those sitting at the table can't wait to eat. If we are feeling self-pity and are upset at having to “somehow” make due on far less than we think we deserve, our fleshly reaction is to make sure everyone around us knows how miserable we are and to share in our misery. This is the wrong attitude. A virtuous wife, seeking to be a godly helper for her husband, will seek to make even the most humble ingredients into an exotic feast. Our attitudes can spoil a meal faster than “poor” ingredients, and so we need to check our attitudes first of all, in all areas of frugal living.

This isn’t just food either. A wife who shops at second hand stores and garage sales can be adorned in lovely, tasteful clothing that looks as if it came from an elite boutique (when in fact the whole ensemble cost less than $1). On the other hand, a wife can choose to be miserable because she only has a small amount to spend at second hand stores, and therefore dresses herself and her children in stained up rags and mismatched outfits. Make him feel like a King by dressing like a Queen, even if your royal garments came from a garage sale!

As wives we often are given to “nesting.” We like to dress up our homes, and this is a good thing, even on a tight budget. Just as we can adorn ourselves beautifully or in rags on the same tight budget, so too we can adorn our homes with filthy junk or rescued treasures. For our dining room, I have a selection of dining room chairs that came from second hand stores, garage sales, and even from the curb on garbage day! However, I did not leave them in the condition in which I found them. Dear ones, sandpaper does not cost but a few dollars per package, and a quart of stain or paint is under $10. Worst case scenario, a frugal help mate can invest in some steel wool and furniture stripper for under $10, and spend a sunny afternoon of hard work to make her finds sparkle.

 
A godly, thrifty wife doesn't have “junk,” she has “eclectic style,” which can be way more fun than buying off the floor at a furniture store. There is no piece of furniture in my home that cost us over $20.00, except for our homemade, mosaic tiled, dining room table, which seats 16 or more. Even the table cost us far less than the average new table that seats four. Torn-up upholstery on love seats or sofas can be inexpensively covered by draping a double or queen-sized sheet over the piece in a color that matches your room. Inexpensive sheets can be found at many discount stores, Dollar Stores and even garage sales, as can throw covers, and sometimes slipcovers. Tie the corners of the sheet and you have a shabby chic slipcover! Seek God for wisdom in adorning the home He has provided you with, using the resources that God has given to your family! Money is not everything, and being “poor” does not mean that you have to advertise your poverty by not taking dominion over your home!

My dear sisters, I challenge you, I beseech you, choose to be rich in your attitudes, by making your wants few. Wisely handle what you have been given, and encourage your husband in your gratitude for his provision, no matter the amount.

3. Spend your household's resources wisely. Proverbs 14:1 says that a wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one plucks it down with her own hands. There are many ways to build our houses, and there are many ways we can foolishly pluck our homes down with our hands. One of these ways we might bring our houses down is by not wisely spending our household's resources.

There is a common “joke” in our society today of the stereotypical wife who does nothing but shop, shop, shop, and spend her husband's hard earned money foolishly on all sorts of extravagant things. The longer I live, the less humorous I find this stereotype and the women who mockingly participate in this blatant display of disrespect to their husbands. A godly wife does not see shopping as a form of therapy or recreation, but as a ministry that has the potential to either build her house or tear it down. A help mate will seek the Lord earnestly for wisdom in faithfully executing her shopping duties for her household.

A godly wife should carefully reflect on how she spends the household resources. As she thinks about her own spending habits, she should separate her true needs from those things which she only wants. Advertisers pay big money to breed discontent in the hearts of potential customers so that they will sell more products, and it is hard to not be influenced by this because it is all around us. We can't do it on our own. We need the Lord's help. James 1:5 says that if we lack wisdom, we should ask God. We need wisdom for how He would have us spend the resources coming into our household, particularly those under our dominion. We need to pray that our husbands will have the godly wisdom and will power to spend what God has given then wisely as well.

I often sit in my car before I shop and I pray for wisdom while I go shopping. I also pray and ask the Lord to help me to use our family's resources wisely. I am very aware of the many times I have failed in that regard, and yet I know that God is faithful in teaching me and helping me in this endeavor. I have prayed many times and asked God to show me ways to save our family money, so as to bless my husband. I have weather stripped every window and door in our house with the help of the children once, after being prompted by His Spirit after praying. Another time, God convicted me about telephone usage, and so I cut that out also. Though I have fallen short, I want to be open to whatever the Lord shows me, as I pray for guidance.

As help mates, we should expand our knowledge as much as we are able, by God's grace, to learn to better manage that which is under our control. In 1 Timothy 5:14, we learn that women are to “guide the house” or another word for this would be “manage” the home. Titus 2:5 teaches us that we are to be “keepers at home.” The Proverbs 31 woman also is a good example for us, because she looked well to the ways of her household (Proverbs 31:27). As we manage and keep our homes, we should learn how to best use those resources in a wise manner, so that our husband's will have no need of spoil.

There are many areas in which we might be able to wisely and frugally manage our households. Each person's situation will vary greatly based upon your husband's preferences and the resources at your disposal, so pray earnestly to the Lord, your Provider, for wisdom and direction in this matter.

4. Spend it in a way that pleases your husband (1 Corinthians 7:34 ), not just you. When I took a friend shopping with me, because she wished to see how I shopped and managed to spend such a small amount, she was shocked when I went down the soda pop aisle and grabbed a two liter bottle of Mountain Dew. Wasn't that frivolous for someone in my situation? Wasn't that a waste of money?   If it were up to me, and my preferences, I would forego Mountain Dew. However, I did not buy it for myself, and I am not shopping for myself. I am managing the grocery money in such as way as to make sure my husband has no need of spoil. His favorite drink in the whole world is Mountain Dew. If I decided to save myself the $1.29 by not buying my husband his Mountain Dew, I would be dishonoring him. I look at that simple purchase as part of his spoil. If I cut back on the grocery budget by cutting out things that I know he wants, even though they are not completely unreasonable, then he would in fact have a lack of “spoil.” This is just a simple way of honoring him.

When we make frugal meals for our families, we do not need to make it readily apparent at the dinner table that we are suffering any lack. Frugally prepared meals can be as elegantly seasoned and served as food in a fine gourmet restaurant, with a little bit of skill on the part of the chef! My goal, though I have failed in it many times I am sure, has been to not serve our frugal meals in such a way that makes us feel like we are eating “depression era slop” as my husband calls it.

I was at an advantage in our home, because my husband loves Chinese food and Mexican food. Since we were no longer able to eat out as frequently as we were used to, I learned through online resources, cooking shows on television, library books, and experimenting how to make many wonderful, flavorful, and frugal Asian and Mexican dishes. Many ethnic dishes from other parts of the world major on readily available staple foods for that region, and are inexpensive to make when you have those staples on hand. In a matter of years, we went from ordering Chinese food once a month, to canning our own plum duck sauce and making homemade egg rolls that my husband and children insist are better than at the Chinese restaurant. Recently, my husband splurged by taking us out to a Chinese restaurant for our anniversary, and we all now agree that we prefer home cooked!

Living, and I daresay, thriving on one income is much more than just spending less. Our frugality begins first and foremost in our hearts and the attitudes we walk around with in our every day lives. If we want to be a blessing to our husbands and our families, and help our husbands to have no need of spoil, we'd do well to check our hearts first of all.

Kimberly Eddy is the wife to Martin of nearly 16 years, and the joyful momma to Ruth, Judah, Anastasia, Esther, and Isobel. The Eddys live in rural mid-Michigan, where Mrs. Eddy runs Joyful Momma Publishing, and has written several books, and where the entire family has a web and graphic design service company. “No Need of Spoil” is excerpted from Mrs. Eddy's ebook, The Basics of Frugal Cooking.