How to Get Back Home
Tips for Returning Home Part IV: Preparing Yourself and Your Family Emotionally
By Mrs. Wanda Jefferson
Jun 12, 2004 - 9:08:00 AM

Often, women who are contemplating a return home concentrate all of their energies on the actual build-up to the retirement from the workforce. Once they return home, however, the new reality of their situation comes as a shock. Some women might find themselves confused as to how to manage their days when their schedules are no longer dictated by the familiar routine of "get up, go to work, come home, cook dinner, play with kids, go to bed." Other women might miss the "excitement" of their jobs after a while, once they forget the trials and exhaustion they really faced. Still others might question their sense of self-worth, finding themselves "left behind" by the working world and a society that values women solely for the economic contributions in the paid working sphere.

Despite a pivotal change in the attitudes of younger women towards desiring time at home with their children, many friends, family members, or people in the church or community might second-guess the decision to come home. Even if we can predict these emotional and personal changes that might occur as part of a homecoming, how can we prepare for them now, while we are still on the job?

Being a "part-time" keeper at home, I believe the key to this preparation lies in a change in our attitudes and self-definition, even before we make the decision to come home full time: identifying yourself not as a full-time worker, but as a part-time keeper at home. Even while working, there are many things a wife and mother can do to make her home a sanctuary and serve her family in the spirit of the keeper at home. While external time commitments limit the extent to what can be accomplished, a certain rearranging of priorities and schedules can free up time and the desire to focus more on the home. Specifically, what does this mean?

Establishment of home as the number one priority

Working women with families are by necessity masters at juggling many different tasks. Some people call this "multi-tasking." I believe it to be "compartmentalizing." Compartmentalizing basically means dividing up our lives into many different compartments that are separate and unrelated: work, home, school, friends, church. While compartmentalizing is a wonderful strategy for squeezing more working hours and concentration out of an office day, I believe it has a detrimental affect on the family. An executive woman spending 10 hours a day thinking only of work will have that much less time to focus on her home. Even if in her heart her home is her number one priority, there is no way it can compete in terms of time or attention with her job. Thus the home suffers. Meals quickly become take-out food or eaten out, cleaning or home decorating is neglected, laundry piles up, and child care is outsourced to poorly-paid "professionals."

Simplifying your life and home

Imagine, now, if that woman, while still not able to quit working full-time, made her home the first priority, both in terms of desire and time and attention. How might this change her life? It requires some sacrifice and simplification, to be sure. Making extra time to spend on home matters means that there is less time for personal hobbies or external commitments. The Wednesday Night Ladies Bible study and her twice-weekly trips to the gym might be cut. Her volunteer commitments could be scaled down so her weekends are free. Her lunch dates are sacrificed for shopping for nightly dinners and running errands, so that weekend time might be freed up. Children’s activities or sports might also be reduced to allow for more family time and less "chauffeuring" around, and to cut costs.

Simplicity can be extended to the family’s home as well--having fewer knick-knacks means fewer places to dust. Fewer clothes and toys also mean less to clean up. Rooms crammed with furniture are difficult to maintain, but a simple, classic décor with a few necessary pieces of furniture in the room dramatically reduce upkeep. Unused and unwanted sports equipment, hobby goods, or things bought with "good intentions" only take up space. A yard sale or donating the goods both frees up space in the house and brings income.

Meals and cleaning

Priorities within the home should be established. Even a working woman can, if she makes it a priority, plan for a healthy, home-cooked meal for her family at least five nights a week. Shopping is done once a week, and menus are planned in advance. Meat put in the freezer can be defrosted during the morning and vegetables chopped or marinated ahead of time. Crock pots, bread machines, and other "servants" are very helpful! With a weekly cleaning schedule for major cleaning and good daily habits (such as cleaning the dishes after every meal, or not letting laundry pile), a home can be kept reasonably clean without resorting to hiring a service. Children trained carefully to do their chores can also reduce the burden on Mom and Dad.

Rejoice in the domestic arts

Once her home life is made the main priority and her life and home are simplified, an interest in the domestic arts and frugality can help a part-time keeper at home to both beautiful her home and enjoy it, even before she comes home full-time. Learning to live on a budget and watching savings grow during the preparation period has a strange effect on a person--it makes frugality fun! Once someone has learned to live without clutter, it becomes easier to make something that you want instead of buying it, or just do without it altogether. With more time at home, and more people at home to enjoy the fruits of your labor, former tasks that were gotten over with as quickly as possible (such as cooking and cleaning), become more enjoyable.

More time at home means more time to enjoy quieter and less expensive activities, such as gardening, sewing, quilting, music-making, crafts, or scrap-booking. Not long after, you have so many interesting tasks and projects to accompany your time at home that you naturally wish to schedule them. Preparation of this type helps in the emotional readying of yourself for your return home.