Storytime
Wimmer
You May Order This Art Print from AllPosters.com

I once heard of a young lady living at home who went into a rage over the way her mother laundered her clothes. Her mother had unintentionally put a white blouse in the wash with another garment that was not colorfast and turned the blouse a light shade of blue. The daughter persisted in making her mother feel terrible about it, even though her mother had asked for her forgiveness and understanding. One day, a few months later, the daughter decided to move away from home. She did all her laundry in one load, including several items that required hand wash or dry cleaning. All of her white clothing turned out the same shade of blue which previously she had so harshly judged her mother for. After that, she was more mannerly in her attitude toward her mother and did not blame or accuse, which is the height of rudeness in young ladies.

Bad manners at home cause blow-ups and arguments. The habit of constant arguing makes home a war-zone instead of a place of rest and comfort. Young ladies can examine themselves and learn not to respond in such a way as to create resistance and arguing. Bad manners toward Mother show a lack of gratitude in your life. Think about the kind of day you would have without the comforts she prepares for you, and be as mannerly towards her as you would toward anyone in business or anyone else in authority. You may think that no one will ever find out how you speak to your mother, or how you respond to her training, but one day, you will be too absorbed to remember to switch on your company manners. That important young man whom you want to impress will "catch you" in the act of arguing with your mother or being disagreeable in general. If his own mother has taught him correctly, he will rightly assume that you may speak to your future husband in the same rude manner, and decide to forget you. No doubt everyone of us has seen such hypocrisy in action when we drop in on a friend, knock on the door, and hear loud arguing within. When the young lady answers the door, she is all smiles and sweetness. Or, a young lady is openly and loudly defying her mother's good counsel, when the phone rings. It is one of the young men from church that she has an interest in. Her voice turns soft and sweet as she addresses this young man. You may not think it matters now, but one day the person you admire the most will not think much of you.

Mother and Child
Jessie Willcox Smith
You May Order This Art Print from AllPosters.com

There are some atrocious habits young ladies have that need to be addressed. You must forgive my bluntness in this regard, since I cannot couch this subject in smooth words or soften the message by saying that everyone has their bad days, and all of us "tell our mothers off" at one time or other. I simply cannot cater to the feelings of young people about this subject. One habit that young girls often have is that of being extremely sensitive to their own feelings, keenly hurting because their mothers did not agree with them, or because they were shown a better way, or corrected by their mothers, yet not at all sensitive to the feelings of Mother. Do you not think that Mother is broken hearted at your sharp remarks? Would you say such things to an employer, teacher or church leader? Another habit of young ladies is the tendency to argue about everything. Some young people may think this shows off how clever they are, but it is nothing more than atrocious bad manners. Your mother says something, and you contradict her. Contradicting is a no-no if you want to practice good etiquette at home and have success in your life.

In order to avoid the bad manner of contradicting your mother, think mostly about truth. While we might all have a right to disagree, we don't have the right to be wrong. I very much doubt that your mother wants to deliberately deceive you or direct you down a wrong path. Listen to what she is saying, and respect her as your mother, whom God provided for your care and protection. Even if you think you know better, complying with her wishes will bring peace and blessings to your young life, which is promised in the following verse: " Honor your father and mother; which is the first command with a promise; that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth." (Ephesians 6:2-3) This verse shows two wonderful advantages of having good manners toward your mother. If you will read the verse carefully, you will notice that the advantage of being kind and loving and honoring toward your mother is all yours. You reap the benefits of l.) life going well for you, and 2.) having a long life. If you will put these two ingredients together, they spell safety. Look around you and observe the young ladies who seem to always embroiled in broken relationships and personal troubles. Is life going well for them? Indeed, a young lady may even lose her life when she angrily slams the door on her mother's words of warning and heads out into the world to get out from under her mother's watchful eye.

Another fault that can become a bad habit is joining a conversation at the tail end of it. A young lady walks into a room where her mother is discussing something with another member of the family. The young lady hears only a few words, and, thinking that she knows the subject, will offer her opinion. In most cases, coming in at the back end of a conversation means that you don't have enough information to join in, and you will say something that will cause your mother extreme consternation. Wait a little while until you can understand more of the subject, before you blurt out a response.

Yet another thing that will help young ladies in their manners toward their mothers is to develop the Biblical habit of being swift to hear and slow to speak. (James 1:19) Wait until your mother has completed speaking her thoughts or commands to you before assuming that you know what she is saying, and offering an objection or a quick, unpleasant retort.

One reason for including a "Manners With Mother" section is that many young women do indeed, miss out on a close, loving fellowship with their own mothers. While there are plenty of friends, aunts, and cousins, and even more than one grandmother, you only have one mother. If you want to have a real bond with your mother instead of constant friction, pay close attention to the following things:

• Do you look after your possessions and your room, or is everything so disorderly that your mother finally has to say something to you?
• How do you spend your time? Are you helpful at home, or do you have to be asked?
• Is most everything you do for you alone, or for the benefit of others?
• Are you complying with your mother's standards for dress and hairstyle, or are you in a constant turmoil with her about it?
• Are you as polite to everyone at home as you are to people in public?
• If a young man were to ask your mother about your temperament, behavior and habits at home, what do you think she would tell him, truthfully?
• Do you know the talents and accomplishments of your mother? Do you ever tell others the good things about her?
• Do you thank your mother often for the things she does for you?
• Are you allowing friendship with the world to lure you away from the good influence of your mother?

I am happy to say that my daughter was such a blessing while growing up (even as a teenager) that I was never able to complain about her to anyone. I hear a lot of mothers compare notes about their daughters and talk about the things which aggravate them, and the most common complaint (besides messy rooms) is the discourteous way in which they speak back to their mothers. My own daughter was so loving towards me that when I met the young man I thought she would marry, I told him concerning the choice of a mate, that he could not do better. While one might say that I was responsible for my daughter's success in life, I do think it was she who made me successful as a mother. May you all live in such a way as to give your mother success and triumph in her motherhood.

Day on the River
Frederick Morgan
You May Order This Art Print from AllPosters.com

Dear young ladies, determine now in your life at home that you will develop such good manners with your mother than she will recommend you most highly when it comes time for her to answer the question, "What is your daughter really like?" I remember people saying that my daughter was the same at home as she was anywhere else; always conscious of being polite and well-bred. Do you have a cranky, nervous mother? She can be made better by your cooperation with her goals. Does your mother seem cross and unsmiling? You can make it easier for her to be a mother by your good manners at home. Would you be nervous if your mother were in conversation with others who were complaining about their daughters? I can honestly say that my daughter knew I would never have enough evidence about her to indulge in any kind of complaints about her. In fact, if I were to go out to eat, shopping or have some project I wanted to indulge in, I would have preferred to be in her company rather than any other lady my own age. Does your mother feel this way about you? Are you trying to be a good companion for your mother?

This concludes the subject of Manners With Mother. As you view the pictures be aware that your mother willingly forfeited her own comfort so that a greater good might be accomplished in you. Think about the many times a mother gets up in the night with a baby, changes her or bathes and dresses her, or watches to see that she does not get hurt. Think about the things your mother has done for you so that your talents and skills may be developed, instead of neglecting you for some hobby or interest of her own, and do your very best to behave mannerly toward her. It is the least you can do for the sacrifices she has made for you.

Recommended reading: Mother by Kathleen Norris -- a story that will cause you to search deep within your heart about your relationship with your own mother. This book is available as a thank-you for joining LAF or can be purchased directly from Books on the Path.