Mother’s Day is fast approaching. Once again, I am preparing to go through all the expected motions of the day. I will honor my mother, which I want to do with great fervor. I will recognize the mothers in my church family with the customary “Happy Mother’s Day.” And while I am doing this, I will have a smile on my face.

After worship, dinner, and celebration, I will quietly seek the privacy of my own room and weep for the unborn child I miscarried so many years ago. Blinded with tears, my eyes will reread yet another letter I’ve written to my child.

My dear, precious child,

Once again I long to wrap my arms around you and hold you tight. My arms ache to hold you. My fingers tingle with delight at the mere thought of running through your hair. My lips unceasingly long to whisper my love to you.

Precious one, I beg of you not to forget that though you were conceived out of hate, my love for you will never die. I will forever speak of you as gift from God. He took you away before I had a chance to lay eyes on your baby face. This was mapped out in His perfect plan long before You or I were thought of here on earth.

There are many times that I wonder what you would have looked like as you grew up. You would be nineteen now. Wow! It hardly seems possible. Many people have come and gone throughout that time, but you will never leave my heart.

I leave you with a whisper in your ear. “I love you, my dear child.”

Love,
Mom

This precious child was not conceived in a loving and lawful manner. He or she was conceived while I was yet a child myself. Not quite twelve, I found myself pregnant near the end of four years of sexual abuse outside my family. It matters not that I was so young. That baby was a part of me. He or she will always have a place in my life.

After a good cry, I will end my time of mourning by reading some of the Psalms. Then, in conclusion, I will pray to the Lord with an uplifted heart and thank Him for this precious child I never knew.

My heart and prayers are with those who have experienced the loss of a child. It is a tough trial to go through, and you can’t do it alone. By the same token, my heart and prayers are with those who have been abused. Please remember you are not alone. There are others who have experienced these damaging circumstances. I leave with this: “Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 1:5, NKJV)

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