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Personal Testimonies
I’ve often said that infertility is the worst thing that can happen to a woman. And only those who’ve had their hearts broken every month by a negative pregnancy test or who have conceived only to miscarry know that I’m speaking the truth. I went through six years of barrenness, seven failed fertility treatments, and two miscarriages before I finally had a successful pregnancy!
It’s hard to wait patiently month after month when your every waking thought is about babies. For me, as the months turned into years, I developed some coping skills I’d like to share with you.
Start a Hope Chest: I used a pretty cardboard storage box and began to fill it with baby items that caught my fancy. I had quilts, wooden toys, tiny sweaters and booties, and items for my Peter Rabbit nursery. I encourage you to start your own and visit it often. There is a great comfort in these small items, and they will help you begin bonding with your “dream baby.”
Cry Long and Loud: When that pregnancy test comes back negative for the umpteenth time. When your painful fertility treatment has failed. When you conceive only to lose that baby right away. Have a good long, loud cry. Wail and weep. When you’re finished, you will feel at peace. Don’t try to be brave and squash down all your feelings. Let them out, deal with them, and you’ll have the strength to face tomorrow. Remember how Hannah cried and wept before the Lord before God gave her Samuel. It's no sin to weep.
Stay Busy: I threw myself into volunteer work and stayed very busy with it. It doesn’t completely distract your mind from your pain, but it really does help. Stay away from events involving children if you find that painful. I did, and part of my volunteer duties was to plan a children’s Christmas Party! Too proud to pass it to someone else, I made it through the day with a smile plastered on my face but a big ache in my heart.
Try to Enjoy Your Marriage: Really, try to do this. Travel with your husband, have romantic weekends together, go to museums, visit friends, whatever good thing you love to do. When your baby does arrive, you won’t have as much time together. Consider this time a blessing where you can strengthen your relationship, and just enjoy each other uninterrupted.
Know When to Get Off the Fertility Merry-Go-Round: Fertility treatments are private decisions made by each couple. But sometimes you can get so focused on fertility treatments that continue to fail that you won’t consider other opinions. Really think about what your limits are. It was after my seventh failed fertility attempt that we began to look at adoption. Within a year, we had a beautiful baby boy in our arms!
Believe: Trust in the Lord. If you really want to parent a child, you will find a way to do so. Also believe that you will survive this difficult time in your life. Believe that life holds wonderful surprises. Eighteen months after adopting our son, I found out that I was pregnant--a good, strong, healthy pregnancy. You could have knocked me over with a feather. The woman whose ovaries were too scarred to release eggs was pregnant. It was a miracle. It can happen to you, too. Trust God and don't despair.
© Copyright 2002-2009 by LAF/BeautifulWomanhood.org
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