I was raised as a Roman Catholic most of the time by my divorced mother who worked all the time. I was alone much of the time from age 11 on up. During this time my mother told me that I ought to never trust any man, and that I must make a life for myself. She told me that I can be anything I want to be and I should push and shove to get there if need be. I believed much of this for quite a while.

I decided to join the Air Force at age eighteen so I could pay for college and all of the ratings I must get to become an airline pilot. This became my god. I wanted to make it, so I could be successful both financially and intellectually. So, I joined the Air Force and there I began my job. I worked very hard at this job and I began to take classes at the local college to earn my private pilot's certificate. I prided myself on working all day and then attending school in the evenings and flying classes on the weekends. I kept myself very busy and thought of myself as a good person.

Well, God had different plans for me. He did use this experience to put me in touch with a Christian man. I worked across the table from this man for about eight months. He would witness to me every day. I persecuted him and argued with him. He would come in every day and say, "I am praying for you." He kept telling me I had to be saved. I loved arguing with him; it was sort of a sport to see if I could get him to shut up.

After about eight months of listening to this man I met another man whom I was "dating." This man told me he was saved. I then asked him,"What does that mean? I keep hearing about that, but I do not know what that means." He said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" I said I did. Then he asked if I believed that God raised Him from the dead. I answered affirmitavely. Then he said, "That is all it takes is that you believe that Jesus can take away your sins and that He died on the cross for you and if you do not get saved you will go to hell." I believed him; I knew I was headed to hell at that moment.

A few weeks later I felt the Holy Spirit, although I did not know it was the Holy Spirit at the time. I was alone in my room and I felt that I must ask Jesus to save me and forgive me for all the sins I had committed. And I did right there in my dorm room all alone one evening. I literally felt such a weight leaving me. Shortly after this the man who led me to Jesus and I parted ways. I did not even tell him about my salvation, because this man and I should have never been together and that is also another story. But, the Lord uses whom He will for the task--even the most broken of vessels.

I began to feel that I ought to do some sort of church service now that I was "different," so I began to teach Sunday School at a local church. I also began attending. But, I felt empty there, like something was missing. I now realize that something is the Holy Spirit and usually the teaching of the Word of God. I did this for about a year, then I met my future husband. He invited me to his church, which was a Bible teaching church. I was astounded at what I heard. I walked out of there and told my future husband that the man speaking was speaking to me. He could not have possibly known anything about me. Again another encounter with the Holy Spirit. I attended this church for a while and talked to the pastor about becoming a member. He asked me about my salvation and told me that I must be baptized. So I followed the Lord to baptism and was changed. I had made my public proclamation that I was a child of the King. That same day I was asked to be married and of course I said yes!

We were married a few months later, but there was one problem: I was still in the military. My husband seemed to think it was okay for me to do what I enjoy and work towards my goals. We did talk a little about what we would do if we had a child. I would get out and stay home for the first few years and then return to work when the child goes to school. Well the Lord had different plans. We bought a house on our two incomes. I coerced my husband into this decision. I pushed and pushed until I got my way. We bought the house only to find out I was pregnant three months after we moved in. "Now what can we do?" was the question at hand. There was no way my husband's income could afford this house, so we searched for answers. The baby was born, and I was still in the military. Oh, how I hated that first day when I left her. I felt so wrong. I knew this was not God's plan. My husband and I worked opposite shifts. He worked nights and I days. The poor man only got about four hours of sleep every night. We were both very opposed to day care so we thought this would work until we sold the house and I was able to seperate from the military. I remember crying most days when I would wake him from him four hours "night" sleep. He looked so run down and tired, but he kept doing this for almost a year. I did this to him. I was the one that pushed until I got my way, and look at the mess I created.

I also had a dream to breastfeed the baby, but I didn't see how I could do it. When you are in the military the men will see you go in the bathroom and come back with your pumped bottles and laugh or give dirty looks. That is what they did to me. My milk dried up from all of the stress. There was one wonderful thing that happened during this time; well actually two. The first is that I began to read God's Word and cry out to Him for direction for the first time in my saved life. I would pray in the car all the way to work and back. I hated the situation we were in and knew it had to end soon, just when was the question. The other wonderful thing that happened was that our next door neighbors were a Christian homeschooling family. The wife was in her proper Biblcal position as that of a submitted wife and her children blessed her. These people were so different and it took me a while to see what it was. She was an incredible influence in my life even though she may not have realized it. She was a Titus 2 woman.

Well, the Lord did chastise me for almost a year before the house sold and I was able to get out of the military. Oh, my first days home were so wonderful! I knew this was where I belonged. Even though I was never told that it was ok to marry and stay home with children I knew this was what the Lord has planned for me. We still continued to have some marital problems, mostly due to my dominant nature. Even as a home keeper I was still quite bossy. I even remember studying the lives of the male figures in the Bible to see which I ones I wanted to emulate. I was wearing pants and shorts most of this time too, with the world's hairstyles, jewelry and makeup. I was ok though because this is how everyone else in my church dressed, right?

A few years passed with me in this condition and the Lord did something in my heart. I had been reading the Word a lot ever since I had my first child. I wanted to be the Titus 2 woman, too. I prayed that God would help me to have a gentle and quiet spirit. I had one miscarriage and then infertility for a year and a half. Then the Lord gave us another child. After this child was born I wanted to give to the Lord another area of my life that I had been strugggling with. So, I did, but He wanted more. I was reading Home School Digest during my pregnancy and I noticed that some of the ladies had veils on. I thought that only Amish and Mennonite did that. Then I would read something online about headcovering and think hmm this is interesting. Then I felt the Lord telling me to search out the internet and commentaries. I read many articles from different ladies in different denominations who experienced almost exaclty the same things after covering their heads. I also read Vines Expository dictionary which helped me understand it better and Ungers as well.

So, after much prayer and searching I decided that the headcovering meant I was to be an obedient wife and place myself under my husband's authority. After I began to wear it I did notice that it served to help remind me of what my position was and that there was always someone above me. It also helped me with humility because I did not want to wear something that would make me stick out so much. I wanted to style my hair in a beautiful way and attract attention with it. Now, with a covering on I could not longer do that. I have been wearing the covering for a almost two years now and I can say that I also have been submissive since then. I am not perfect at it and fail many times. But, before this I would just be content to say I was trying to be submissive when in reality I was just agreeable when I felt like it. I know that I dishonor the Lord when I henpeck my husband and am out of my Biblical position. Although it is not easy I prefer to have God's peace in my life than the chaos that I had before as a disobedient daughter.

I am since this time also realizing that I was created to be a helper to my husband,not the other way around. I was made for him, because God said that it was not good for man to be alone. I realize that I was made to bear children and nurse them and train them for the Lord. My body is made for these things. I was made to give myself to my husbands needs. I was made to be a keeper of my home and to make it clean and safe for my family. I was made to be a testimony of God's changing grace that could change this hardened feminist rebel into a daughter of worth. Because a virtuous woman is more precious than rubies to God.

[Editor's Note: L.A.F. does not take an official position on the woman's headcovering. We know there are many differing beliefs within the Body of Christ, but we do believe that every woman must honestly face this issue and deal with the Scriptural teaching on headcovering within the church. God calls us to unity, so we do not condemn those who do not cover or believe those who cover are "holier" than other women. May all of us seek to obey Christ more and more, submitting ourselves to His Word!]