Personal Testimonies
I am persuaded by experience that feminism, or even an unconscious embracing of its tenets, is part and parcel of a life turned away from God's heart. My feminism began with an extreme independence and wilfullness at an early age. Teenaged rebellion made my feministic tendency yet more pronounced, though I grew up in what most would consider a very conservative Christian home. By the time I left my parents' home and was married, a lack of discipline had made me a wife and woman almost impossible to live with. This rebellious, unyielding nature nearly destroyed my marriage. After my husband and I were reconciled, I still wasn't where I should have been, though I had the best of intentions. I had ventured the path of humility, however, and God "gave grace to the humble." Eventually, bit by bit, I resigned feminism and rebellion together to take up a truly happy, fulfilled, and free life doing what I was created to do, in the way I was created to do it. I consider the mode of womanhood I have embraced now to be a key part of my Christianity.
The first influence that led me back to a right understanding of God's role for women was Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. In his chapter on Christian Marriage, he sets forth simply that if a husband and wife disagree after discussion, one of them must cast the deciding vote. He states that it is in some way despicable if it is the woman who does so (pp. 102-3). In Lewis's discussion, that is all submission means. Re-reading this now, it seems overly simplistic, but at the time, since I trusted C.S. Lewis, it had the power to banish the unreasoning rage that flared inside at the word "submission." I have thought and thought about why I felt this anger towards the concept of submission. Though there were several contributing factors in my life, I believe that the anger was primarily spiritually derived. The Bible says in I Samuel 15:23 that rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, exposing one to the Kingdom of Darkness. I believe that because I chose at a young age to rebel against my parents rather than to submit and turn my heart towards them, I was not sheltered by God from the power of that Kingdom, but was instead driven by a spirit of rebellion for as long as I chose to go my own way in disregard of the authority structure in my life. This spirit of rebellion caused the attendant illogical anger to grow in my soul.
Relinquishing my rage at a word - "submission" - and changing my way of life were two vastly different processes. I know several women who accept the word, but find their way around its demands in every instance. I also resisted, for about a year after reading that paragraph by C.S. Lewis, until my husband could no longer stand the daily choice to either give in to me or have me as his greatest enemy. A man's man to his bones, but with a tender, loving heart, he had been worn down by this dilemma too long, and he left, with regrets that he could not continue to silently bear it. Several months later, after terrible agonies of soul and communication, we renewed our marriage on the terms that he would take care of me, and I would let him do so. That I would allow myself to need him, and let him know it. Though this was a huge improvement in our relationship, the uncomfortable fact remained that, having shuffled off my womanhood for so long, I had no idea how to treat a man, nor how to act like a lady in any way. I was not even aware of this deficiency in myself, though I wondered over my envy toward women who treated themselves and men properly and were loved for it, despite their other shortcomings. In hindsight, I know that I actually desired to be like these ladies, and since I didn't believe I could or should, their status and freedom made me envious.
Thanks be to the Lord who mercifully and humorously showed me my shortcomings in this area (in the most unlikely way), after our "second honeymoon glow" wore off. That is when I discovered my two now favorite resources: Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin, and the Ladies against Feminism website which inspires and challenges me still. A word about Fascinating Womanhood: the book is a priceless gem to me. I re-read it constantly. It dispelled in my critical mind the myth that femininity is outmoded, weak, and even wrong. One thing I love about Fascinating Womanhood is that it is practical and detailed. With this book in hand, one need not helplessly wonder "how" to be feminine, or exactly how to give a man what he most fundamentally wants and needs. These little details are graciously spelled out for those like me who desperately need clear-cut teaching. Secondly, this book is wonderful to me because reading it is like talking to the author, who obviously lives what she teaches. Her book is a monument to her character, which shines through on every page. She includes "success stories" of women who have won their husbands' love by taking her advice, but to me the tone of the book itself is the best inspiration.After putting Mrs. Andelin's teachings into practice for some time, and winning the intoxicating prize of my husband's trusting love, I began to realize how fundamentally Christian was the tenor of my woman's heart and life. I only did what instinct led me to do (with catalysts of wise teaching, of course). Only after living the life of a godly woman, did I realize that this is the way the Lord wants me to be! I have a deep assurance, backed up, of course, by all the usual scriptures, but with the depth of Holy Spirit conviction, that this is His way for me.
In conclusion, I offer a verse that my father used to repeat to me as a little girl. I am ashamed to admit that I disdained it at the time, but now I remember it and his care for me with tenderness, and I benefit, though late, from his vision for me, a portrait to which I now aspire:
"[Your beauty] should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." ~ I Peter 3:4
All of us come from somewhere. My past is ignominious, and I am not proud of my weakness of character in those years. But, in truth, where I am now, where I know I ought to be, is much better than where I had ever guiltily thought that I needed to be. I am grateful to the Lord for leading me to the resources that have brought me to this new and free path, and for teaching me how to have a gentle and quiet spirit. Though I am still walking and sometimes stumbling, I know that I am going in the right direction, an assurance that means everything to me.
Works Cited
Bible Gateway: 1SAM 15:23.
Bible Gateway: 1PET 3:3-4.
Lewis, C.S. Mere Christianity. New York: Touchstone, 1996.
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