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Responsible Manhood
I was shocked by the news that three homeschool fathers (all professing Christians), whom I thought I knew well, had abruptly left their wives and families. One of these men had shed tears after I spoke about homeschool fathers loving their wives and children. Now he was divorcing his wife and emotionally torturing his children. The second outwardly walked the Christian life, but inwardly he was gradually losing his love for his wife. He left his five children, his wife, his church family, and God for an adulterous relationship. The third left his wonderful wife and three little children when his several affairs over the years were discovered.
Even Christian homeschool husbands are not immune to the temptations that are destroying marriages at a rapid rate. Sadly, the divorce rate among Christians is almost the same as the divorce rate in the world.
I am convinced that husbands bear the greatest responsibility for this tragedy. They do not love their wives unconditionally as commanded by God the Creator. Without such love, marriages will fail.
The Command: Husbands Love Your Wives
In Ephesians 5:25, the command is crystal clear: "Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her" (all quotes NASB). This straightforward command is repeated in Colossians 3:19. "Husbands love your wives and do not be embittered against them." In 1 Peter 3:7, the Bible says, "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."
Each husband must make a conscious decision to love his wife even though he does not always feel like loving her. She is a sinner, and she will disappoint her husband, disagree with him, and even hurt him by things she says and does. She, like her husband, will not live up to idealistic expectations. Will Christian husbands respond selfishly by withdrawing their love or simply leaving the relationship, even though God holds marriage sacred as a representation of the permanent union between Christ and us, His church?
A few years ago, while flying to a homeschool convention, I sat next to a lady who was clearly a feminist. She seemed hopelessly bitter, and I tried to share the gospel. As I explained how easy it is to die, she agreed and related a recent near-death experience of her employer. As I mentioned the Word of God, however, she immediately recoiled, stating that the Bible simply tells husbands to treat their wives as doormats. All she knew was that wives had to submit to their husbands and that husbands nearly always abuse their authority. I calmly responded by reading Ephesians 5:25 to her and explained what Christ did for the churchhow He gave His own life for her, how He died for us even though we were His enemies, and that husbands are to love their wives like that. Tears welled up in her eyes when she heard this truth for the first time. Her demeanor completely changed, and for the next hour she willingly listened. I left her with a New Testament and a huge smile on her face. Her heart was now open to the gospel.
A wife longs for her husband to love her like that! Our love to our wives must not be dependent on their submission to us or on how well they organize their day or homeschool the children or any other external thing.
Certainly Christ's love for us is not dependent on our submission or obedience. Romans 5:10 says that we were God's enemies but He reconciled us to Himself through Christ anyway. Is it right for us to base our love for our wife on works? Are we making our wives earn our love?
How Can a Husband Love His Wife Unconditionally?
You might be thinking that your wife is not easy to live with. In the power of your flesh, it is impossible to love your wife unconditionally. But there is enough grace from God in Christ for us to have all the joy and hope and encouragement that we need, no matter how difficult our circumstances. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. We can love our wives even when we feel we are not loved in return. We cannot wait for our wives to change before we love them unconditionally. That is disobedience!
God will hold husbands responsible one day before the Judgment Seat for our faithfulness in dying to ourselves and loving our wives. But we often are not building our spiritual lives, and we assume that we are immune to dangers.
Stark evidence for this appears in a survey conducted by Dr. Howard Hendricks of 246 men involved in full-time ministry who were all unfaithful to their wives. All the men had started strongstrong marriages and a strong commitment to full-time ministry. Nonetheless, they fell to sexual temptation one by one.
Dr. Hendricks found two common traits among these men that indicate why they fell into sin. First, none of them had a personal, daily time with the Lord in prayer and Bible reading. They had ceased personally nurturing their own souls.
Second, all of these men said they thought it would never happen to them. Proverbs 16:18 tells us that Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before stumbling. Each day we should humbly beg for God's mercy and His strength to stand firm. Without God's hedge around us, we will fall (Job 1:10 ).
Finish the Race
It is important how we start in our marriage and our homeschool, but it is equally important how we finish.
Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified. (I Corinthians 9:24-27)
Husbands, we need to run to win in our marriages or we will be disqualified. When the temptations come from all around us, we need to instantly ask God for strength and say with Joseph when he was tempted by Potiphar's wife, How then could I do this great evil and sin against God (Genesis 39:9b). God will give us deliverance!
Further protection is available when a husband maintains a godly physical relationship with his wife and when he makes a lifelong commitment to loving her unconditionally. No matter how many of our expectations are not met, we must be faithful to God who specifically ordained our marriage.
My three friends started their marriages and their homeschools strong. But they did not finish the race. They cheated and quit. They spiritually failed and may end up losing their own soul if they do not repent from their adultery. (See Proverbs 5:5, 20-23; 6:23-29; and 9:18.) By God's strength, we must finish strong in the Lord.
Chris Klicka is Senior Counsel of the Homeschool Legal Defense Association and author of The Heart of Homeschooling and other books, as well as a regular contributor to Homeschooling Today magazine. Visit the Klicka's family ministry website at heartofhomeschool.com. This article originally appeared in Homeschooling Today's e-mail newsletter, the Homeschooling Helper. It is reprinted here with permission.
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