Responsible Manhood
The Architect of our Loving Home (Men of Virtue)
By Shari McMinn
Jan 26, 2009 - 11:53:51 PM

As I sit writing this tribute to my husband of 20 years, he is upstairs at the kitchen table with nine of our eleven children, painting watercolors with them for "Dad Date" while I have the evening off to relax. My husband, Cary, has been doing "Dad Date" for me for over five years.  The kids, of course, think it is for them.  Actually, if the truth be told, it is for Cary. He loves being a Dad and a husband--so much so, that he would rather be home with his family than anywhere else.

When we first met, he was working 80-hour weeks in hope of becoming the world's next great architect.  As we married, began having children, and grew closer to the Lord Jesus Christ throughout all the typical marital struggles of finances, discipline, not enough personal or couple time, my husband grew in ways neither he nor I ever imagined.

We have survived and thrived in all the adversity we have faced as a couple and as a family because of his constant presence through better or worse, sickness and in health, forsaking all others.  Cancer hit our oldest son in his late teens.  Sickness and sudden death took our youngest biological daughter to Heaven at only 11 months of age.  Great personal financial struggles nearly cost us all we had.  The adoption of not one, but two, sets of siblings through the child welfare system has been an emotional roller coaster.  Through it all, my husband has come home to me, to our children, faithfully, every day.  I don't take this for granted.  This week a friend of mine, a Christian homeschool mom of nine, told me her husband had left her because the pressure of fathering a large family was just too much.

Halfway through our marriage, we decided to move from an upscale city neighborhood to a fixer-upper farm in the middle of nowhere.  We have learned about raising livestock, surviving tornadoes and blizzards, been snowed in for weeks on end, and have not had running water or electricity for days at a time on numerous occasions. My husband has had to repair or reinstall every appliance we have. He has trudged down our half-mile driveway in waist-deep snow at midnight after teaching college all day. He has had to put chains on and off our vehicles more times than we can count to get us all to church on impassable roads wet with spring rains. In between these hardships and his "day job," my hardworking husband has built barns, corrals, pasture fences, a greenhouse, remodeled nearly every room in our house, and is finally building me a fireplace in our bedroom.  

My husband works just enough hours to support his family, but not too many hours that he can't be home to help homeschool our kids, lend a hand to a needy neighbor, or take a mission trip overseas to assist a missionary friend.  He has coached soccer, instructed 4-H kids in shooting sports, directed homeschool track meets, given many hours in service to church and community groups, and patiently dealt with the burdens and challenges brought to him by the Lord.  Before his busy day gets away from him, he takes time to disciple all of us at the breakfast table.

Needless to say, he has made many personal sacrifices for us.  Long gone are the sporty cars, fancy cowboy boots, solo personal hobbies such as cross-country running and racquetball.  The biggest sacrifice has been that he gave up being the next great architect of the world.  He has been too busy being the architect of our loving home, helping to train up the remnant for Christ's glory.  

My husband, Cary, exemplifies love in action. He is a man of honor, integrity and grit.  His perseverance and fortitude are remarkable.  His tenderness and joyfulness are endearing. His patience and self-control are unending.  He is the most Christ-like man I know. It hasn't always been smooth being married to him, nor for him to be married to me.  But we still miss each other when we are apart, and look forward to cuddling up each evening after the kids are tucked in.  My heart still skips a beat when I am waiting for him to come home, or when I see him across the room when we are in public. At the not-so-young age of 57, he has the youthful energy and physique that it takes to wrangle our progeny day in and day out.  From the five-year-old rug-rat who needs correction to the teen daughter who needs a compliment, to the 28-year-old son who needs encouragement, all our kids trust the Lord as their Heavenly Father, because their dad is a virtuous father whom they can trust 24/7/365. He is my head, my heart, and my honey.  I am a blessed woman!