“Were our feminist foremothers all wrong?”
Posted By Luci on July 19, 2010
On Babble.com, one author offered a surprisingly honest, heartfelt examination of the choices she made to delay motherhood. She points out the numerous personal and social consequences of delaying marriage and childbearing. Certainly, God’s timing is perfect in all things. However, it’s sobering to consider just how much we’ve sacrificed to conform to our modern culture’s “standards” of when it’s “appropriate” to wed and have children.
I’ve always argued that it’s better to have more choices, but when I hear these sadder stories, or suffer dark moments myself, I do wonder whether in fact my generation collectively screwed up. Did we in fact buy a false message from our feminist mothers, and focus too much control on ourselves and our bodies in terms of birth control and sexual freedom in our 20s and actually wait too long to have children? I’m not alone in asking these questions…
It’s exactly these kinds of choices that have caused so many women to run into problems with their fertility, but it also would not be fair to blame us. Choices and focusing on ourselves is the main cultural message that we’ve received… When I graduated from college my mother said to me: “Find your passion! Become yourself!” I had always interpreted that statement as an injunction to find and fine tune my personal interests and career rather than burdening myself too early with the kinds of compromises necessary to form an enduring relationship and a family. So instead of hunting for a husband, I spent my twenties exploring my eclectic interests and surfing through different kinds of relationships with men. Birth control and not getting pregnant was a strong part of my social DNA. Fertility consciousness and a strong consideration of the route to my future family was not. I very much lived for the moment, probably an inheritance of the “Me Generation” motto “If it feels good, do it!” And then came Internet dating, which I think bred a kind of pickiness that has lead me to believe that the “Me Generation” feel good motto has now morphed into a new motto for my generation: “If it doesn’t feel perfect, I’m outta here!”
Read the rest here. The author does not hesitate to describe just how harmful the modern dating environment is for men and women alike. There’s much to consider in this short piece.
About The Author
Luci
Luci is a joyful wife, homemaker, Christian, and friend. She loves history, law, philosophy, prayer, peace, quilting, old books, reading, all things vintage, and her and her husband's three precious rescue cats.Comments
3 Responses to ““Were our feminist foremothers all wrong?””
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I’ve not read the article but I just want to add my 2 pennies.
On the question on whether were our feminist foremothers wrong, then I would say a definite ‘no’. However what we have now is a situation where parts of feminism have been perverted and no longer represents what our foremothers wanted.
I do not want to be seen as ‘better’ than a man. I am the same, just different. With regard to myself and my husband we are both different but we compliment each other.
Woman fought long and hard for the vote; a good thing. They fought long and hard to end the situation whereby a wife was the property of the husband. He owned her. That is dehumanising and corrupts. Feminism to me means that I am equal but different, a human being not a possession. All good things.
Feminism is not and and never should be about demasculising men.
I love motherhood, I love being a stay-at-home mother. I love my husband dearly too and together we compliment each other. One is not better than the other but together we are strong and our marriage is solid. It isn’t wrong that I want to be at home; I don’t want to work outside the home. I am not a feminist nor am I an anti-feminist too. I am greatful for the acheivements of my foremothers, but that doesn’t make me higher, nor lower than a man.
Thanks for the note, Snurgle! Early feminism wasn’t all sweetness and light, unfortunately. I’ve documented this before (see “You Don’t Know Feminism”). If you want a glimpse into the virulent anti-marriage first wave of feminism, just check into Victoria Woodhull, a founding mother of feminism in our country. She absolutely blasted marriage and did not believe in the kind of equality of which you speak.
Were there problems that needed addressing in the 19th century? You betcha. English Common Law did not correctly protect the property rights of women (which come straight out of the Bible). But the answer wasn’t for feminism to trumpet socialism and seek to erase private property laws. A lot of the “solutions” proposed by early feminists were a pendulum swing in the wrong direction. No-fault divorce laws have not helped the institution of marriage to thrive, to cite one example.
I applaud your desire to complement and complete your husband — that is how we are designed. There is no “better;” there is “different” and “unique.” We have a special role to fill that men cannot. They have a role to fill that we cannot. Together, we make up the beautiful whole of humanity–male and female. LAF is here to celebrate that.
Hi, snurgle!
I agree with everything that Jennie’s said, but wanted to add a brief note.
Unfortunately, we’ve bought into the idea that first-wave feminism (i.e., Seneca Falls and 19th century feminists) was all about equality and moral goals. That’s simply not true. Did early feminists point out serious wrongs in society that needed to be corrected? Absolutely. But, the solutions that they offered were often anti-Biblical and detrimental to society at large.
On Victoria Woodhull, you can read her speech “Tried as by Fire” here. The speech is one of her most famous; over 200,000 people either heard or read it. In it, she explains why “equality” isn’t the goal of feminism and why feminists must be committed to the deconstruction and deinstitutionalization of marriage. VW was good friends with other early feminists, such as Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. She was hugely influential.
I’d also suggest skimming the article, “The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness,” from the 2009 Journal of Economic Policy (the study is available here.) The authors point out that many of the “reforms” advocated by the feminist movement haven’t actually contributed to women’s happiness and, perversely enough, have been harmful to women in general. The study is very solid; I’d highly recommend it.
On no-fault divorce laws, Catharine MacKinnon – a major feminist leader – conceded that they were intended to help women, but generally ended up making women far worse off than they were in marriage. I don’t have the cite at hand but it’s in her family law casebook. I’m happy to pull it if you’d like.
Warmly,
Luci