Why Does America Have So Many “Peter Pan” Men?

Posted By on October 12, 2011

2615656715_2a80792602_mWorking in an office full of women, many of whom are young, single gals, I hear all the time, “Where are all the good men out there?” Even in this post-feminist age of asserting independence from men and having both a career and a family, women still want their prince and these days, he can be really tough to find….

But are women contributing to the demise of the man? Feminism has been detrimental to the identity of the American male. Men have been rebuked if they pull out a chair or open a door for a woman. If they offer to pay for dinner (which they should), their date may be offended and demand to split the check because she can pay her own way. — Ladies, it’s not such a bad thing to be treated to dinner unless that meal comes with sexual expectations, which is another column….

Read the full article at THIS LINK. Ideas have consequences. That goes double for the wrong-headed ideas of radical feminism. We cannot have it both ways. We either let men be men (while raising boys to be responsible, purposeful men), or we continue to marginalize them and insist women can be better men after all. We can’t insist on having first place in the boardroom and politics and then fume at men when they abdicate and decide to take the path of least resistance. Men and women were designed to fill complementary roles–not to compete for the same role. Let’s get back to doing our own work well and with enthusiasm while praising the men who are stepping up to the plate if we want to see more strong, intelligent male leadership and fewer “Peter Pans.”

Recommended Resources:
Raising Real Men: Surviving, Teaching and Appreciating Boys
Building a Godly Home, Volume 1: A Holy Vision for Family Life
Boyhood and Beyond: Practical Wisdom for Becoming a Man

About The Author

Mrs. Chancey is the mother of 12 children, all of whom keep the household bubbling with life, learning, and levity. Jennie co-founded LAF in 2002 with Lydia Sherman and has been delighted to hear from women all over the world who enjoy their femininity and love to cultivate womanly virtues.


11 Responses to “Why Does America Have So Many “Peter Pan” Men?”

  1. This phenomenon is not new. Augustus Caesar did his own study to find out why so many Roman men were not settling down and establishing strong families. They were more interested in having a good time, than being strong men. Rome was weakened from within, causing its fall.

    When you get down to the roots of feminism, it leads you to the Ford Foundation, who supported the idea through grants and nonprofit activity. In this manner, the idea was pushed from the top down in all of our major colleges and universities. The Reece Committee of 1952 tried to warn us about these Foundations trying to push un-American values on an unsuspecting public. It was the Rockefeller Foundation who funded that animal Dr. Kinsey. I believe the end goal for them was to destabilize our society to the point at which it is today. They want allegiance to be transferred from the family to the state. Children to be separated from their mothers, and the home just a building and not a garden.

    It’s a monstrous plan and I see the Glory of the Cross more deeply as I learn about how truly evil these forces at work are.

  2. Spot-on! Another great read is John Taylor Gatto’s The Underground History of American Education, which details this plan (which was all done in the open–not a “conspiracy theory” at all). Read up on the Frankfurt School as well. Christians fail to plan long-term and raise children to do battle with the spirit of the age; our enemies have been willing to wait for generations to let their plans unfold.

  3. nowayoutbutin says:

    I am an ex Peter Pan man. I can now understand the frustration of those who are fed up with the detesticled man. I understand it because I figured out the solution and it turned out to be quite simple.

    Know thyself.

    From an outsiders point of view the frustration I now feel can be compared to watching a slasher film after the group decides it’s a good idea to split up. No you idiots there is a machete wielding maniac out there! You know what happens next because you know that’s what horror writers like to do. Listening to Peter Pan men has the same affect on me but I am also empathetic because I haven’t forgotten what it was like on the other side.

    Man up, grow up, and be a man are all obvious cries of frustration but Peter Pan men believe that’s exactly what they’re doing. They believe they must follow the script in order to fulfill the male identity. So when you ask a Peter Pan man who they are they answer with, whomever you want me to be. This is not Neverland, there is no script, and if you allow someone to write one for you all you’ll have left is an unemployed actor that wishes he could fly.

    So the solution is simple. Know thyself. The process of getting to know that person is complex. It took me five years, a therapist, a psychiatrist, a relationship coach, and a life coach to undo 27 years of conditioning. The conditioning was simple; “When in doubt be ashamed of yourself and if you’re not ashamed of yourself feel guilty.” Apply that to someone who constantly doubts themselves and thinks their identity lies somewhere in Neverland and you have created a character, a ferry tale, a Peter Pan man.

    So what if I was a 12 year old in a 27 year olds body? I’m 30 now and I’m not afraid to make a decision. I’m not afraid to be wrong. I’m not afraid of being angry. I’m not afraid to take responsibility for my actions. I’m not afraid of apologizing. I’m not afraid of crying. I’m not afraid of expressing emotion. I’m not afraid of feeling pain. I’m not afraid to be exactly who I am.

    If that is not a man then unfortunately there is nothing else I can be.

  4. LVH says:

    I understand where the author was trying to say, but I think she executed her position poorly.

    There’s no doubt that many men today have the “failure-to-launch” persona. This doesn’t bode well for economics, business, family or marriage relationships.

    However, the author’s choice of examples is quite terrible. Linking the phenomenon of opening doors, or pulling out chairs or treating a woman to dinner is not very good evidence. Unless there is some type of evidence that links these events to the demise of men everywhere–I would love to read about it.

    First off, how many women are truly bothered by men opening doors for them? In this day and age, opening a door for anyone is the polite thing to do.

    Second, if a woman does not desire that her chair be pulled out for her or dinner paid for, I don’t understand why a man would be offended or in the least bit concerned. That is unless she is completely disrespectful in expressing herself, than that’s different!

    The author would have made a stronger argument if she would have researched more on why men may be slipping behind the women. Things that include the attitudes and way men are treated in primary school to different parental expectations. There is strong concrete evidence along those lines.

  5. LVH, we have links to a host of articles on why boys fall behind girls in school, why men are stuck in “adultescence” for so long, etc. Check the archives for a lot of reading material and research. The author’s point in this particular piece was that women have encouraged men not to behave like men — behaving like gentlemen is just one small facet of that fact. There are actually quite a number of articles on the death of chivalry (and how feminism has helped push it over the cliff by claiming it is “sexist”). For one as recent as June 2011, check this link. Wendy Shalit wrote extensively in both A Return to Modesty and The Good Girl Revolution and has many articles on her blog about what the loss of chivalry does to men (and women).

    Personally, I’m bringing up six sons, all of whom have been taught to rise when an elder or a woman enters the room, to pull out chairs to seat their sisters and mother, and to open doors (for anyone who needs a door opened). This teaches the responsibility of putting others first and encourages maturity instead of self-centeredness. Our girls are also taught deference to elders and to reach out to help those who need a hand, but they know there is a special honor accorded to womanhood when men treat women with chivalry. The loss of chivalry isn’t just the loss of opened doors and pulled out chairs. It was the beginning of a slippery slope that now places women on the front lines of combat and barely bats an eyelash when female soldiers come home with missing limbs. We simply cannot afford to continue down that path, and one way we fight the decline is by teaching the next generation of young men to treat women with honor and accord them protection instead of pushing them into harm’s way. This is accomplished in small steps (opening doors, pulling out chairs, etc.)–not just by giant leaps. Mature manhood is built one step at a time from the cradle onwards. And the seemingly “little things” really do mean a lot in the end.

  6. Underground History is one of my favorite books as well in figuring out where all this mess came from. The Fabian School of socialism is one that works and waits for years to incrementally take over. However, we the targets out here are trained through the public schools to think only in the short term.

    Those who are still asleep don’t teach their children what it means to be a man or a woman, so they are left with what the state-sponsored schools, and what is tantamount to the state-sponsored media tell them a man or woman is supposed to be. And these planners who have a grip on both of these areas want weak mean and confused women. Mission accomplished.

    God made them male and female, and the devil opposes this and works to make them androgynous.
    God said be fruitful and multiply, and the devil says they cost too much and sterilize. The Devil also likes a good genocide to help kill off more of these icky ‘made in His image’ thingys.
    We truly are seeing the Devil oppose everything of God in our present age. Feeling especially blessed living in His grace lately.

  7. gss99 says:

    This is to Jennie Chancey. Jennie, you are putting the cart before the horse. What good is going to do to teach your sons to respect women when the women don’t respect the men? You seem to blame the loss of chivalry for the rise of feminism. The loss of chivalry was a result of feminism. You clearly blame men over and over again. The feminist movement got started by a female author named Betty Friedan. Do you think men are just going to sit by and take blow after blow with no retaliating? Only a man can teach a boy to be a man so I hope your boy has a father because your son won’t have a very good chance of doing well without one. Teaching your son to respect every woman regardless of how she treats him is a recipe for disaster. Your son is going to be walked on by these feminists man-hating women.

    You completely miss the forest for the trees. If you want men to treat women right, you need to teach women how to treat men, not the other way around. Men have always been taught how to treat women. The difference of the last 50 years is that women are no longer being taught how to treat men. The result is that after several years to a decade of being walked on by every feminist the guy encounters, he realizes that women just aren’t worth the respect so he essentially undoes all of the brainwashing that his mother taught him. The colder and more callous that women become, then likewise for the man. They’ve done studies on this phenomenon. It’s interesting how your entire comment focuses on men and completely ignores the sacrilegious behavior of women who try to be more like men. This is ungodly behavior. The Bible tells women to respect their husbands, through and through. Continuing to give women a free pass will continue to get the same results. Women are not born disrespecting men. They are taught to do it by their mothers !!!

  8. gss99 says:

    You act like women are just going to fall into place when she meets a chivalrous man. No. A man-hating woman hates a chivalrous man. A feminist woman does not love or respect a chivalrous man. The devil does not like the light. Why would a feminist woman love a man who loves the lord? The two are complete opposites. I’m not saying that men should not be taught to respect women but you seem to ignore the role of a woman. A woman has to be molded and taught just like a man does. However, this is not being done. An american woman is taught that simply showing up is enough, she just has to look pretty. No, this is a lie. Men are more complicated than that.

    Jennie, I don’t think you realize that you are kind of feminist. Or you have a few feminist beliefs and you don’t realize it. The feminist woman blames men for everything and I see in your comments and your articles that you are doing the same thing. You need to get that straightened out. You have been brainwashed just like I was and just like so many others. It’s a difficult thing to un-do that programming. The only way to de-program is to learn the truth. Men are not to blame for every thing that has happened to women in the last 50 years. Women are also to blame. Mothers are to blame for failing to teach their daughters to love the lord and to respect their husbands THROUGH AND THROUGH. Mothers need to teach their daughters to submit to their husbands. When women do this, men will return to their chivalrous nature. Men want to be loved, not disrespected. When women act like men, they get treated like men. If you truely believe that women are complimentary to men, then you will teach your daughter to submit to her husband and to support him and his decisions.

  9. gss99 says:

    What I’m trying to say is that woman have victim-itis. They are taught in schools and from their parents that women have been victims of a patriarchy. They are taught that they were oppressed pre-1950s. It’s not true. Women got the right to vote before feminism. Women are taught that working for a corporation 40 hrs per week = freedom. Yet, being a housewife and working 25 hours per week = oppression. Women are taught that loving your husband, submitting to him, and supporting him is bad. If you want things to change, women have to stop believing that they are victims. Women are not victims. If men really wanted to oppress women pre-1950s, they would have killed them instead. So how come women are still alive if they were oppressed? Surrounding yourself with a loving husband and loving family is not oppression. The media, schools, and society have brainwashed women into believing these things. Women are compared to a standard that is for men. You said yourself that women are not men so why then are women being compared to a male standard in the media and in schools? Women need their own standard of success. Men need their own standard of success. The standards should be different, not the same (as it is now). Women are now equating having children with failure. You’ll see a woman write, “I’m in college but my friend who is 22 has 2 kids already. ” She is saying that her friend is a failure for having children. So this woman who writes this is equating college degree and high earning career with success which is how we view success for a man !!!! This is insane and has to stop. And to finish, women have always been protected by men, not oppressed by men. Men have built the cities. We’ve invented air conditioning. We’ve invented washers and dryers…we’ve invented automobiles. We’ve invented all these things to make women’s and men’s lives better so how is it that at the same time we were oppressing women? The two ideas can not both be true. Men went to war so that women didn’t have to go to war.

  10. gss99, let me urge you to read the full site instead of basing your opinions on a single reply to a comment. I think you’ve missed what we’re here for: teaching women to embrace, love, and enjoy their God-given role, which includes submitting to their husbands, loving their children, and building strong marriages. We aren’t brainwashed by feminism and aren’t blaming men at all. The whole point of the “Peter Pan” piece was that women have demanded that men be passive and lie around like doormats and then get angry when that’s how grown men behave. My six sons have a wonderful, godly father who is teaching them how to be men. Honoring women doesn’t mean allowing themselves to be “walked over” in any way. In the same vein, our daughters are being trained for godly biblical womanhood by honoring their father, serving in the home through hospitality and helps, and loving their brothers. But they aren’t being taught to submit to all men, because the Bible only calls for women to submit to their own fathers and (later) husbands. They are learning to honor Christian men as brothers in the Lord and treat them in a godly manner (I Timothy 5:1-2).

    LAF is all about biblical womanhood and how to refute feminism–not about what men are doing wrong (that’s for biblical manhood sites to tackle!). Please take the time to read our Theme Articles to see where we’re coming from, and I think you’ll find we’re on the same page. Kind regards, Mrs. Chancey

  11. Jenn84 says:

    “Men have always been taught how to treat women”

    Not now they’re not, in droves. Unless you count being a “bad boy” because women like it.

    Like the article said, female success is not a reason for men to coast, or to wither and feel less manly. Women telling men to be weak is the problem, and men need to ignore this and relearn their callings.

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