Courtship: Should There Be Only One Suitor?

Posted By on September 17, 2014

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Imagine this: Marc has a female friend he’s known for years. Recently, he’s begun to realize what a good wife she would make and how much he enjoys her friendship. He talks to his parents who agree this looks like a wise course, then he calls her dad and makes an appointment to talk to him. He tells her father how much he appreciates his friend and how he’d like an opportunity to try to win her heart.

“Son, I have the highest respect for you,” the dad replies. “You’re a good man and would make a great husband, but last night, Brent asked me for permission to court my daughter. Now, I don’t want her to be hurt or have any confusion, so I don’t want you to tell her about your interest. I’m sorry.”

Couldn’t happen? Well, it did. The young man was just stunned. He couldn’t even tell her! He was just heartbroken. It would have been bad enough just to be rejected, but to watch their courtship and never be able to share his own feelings? Brutal.

Some are being told there will only be one courtship–ever. A girl who believes this may feel pressure to accept the first reasonable offer, for fear he’s “the only” and if she turns him down, she is committed to lifelong singleness. On the other hand, thinking there must only be one courtship ever, may mean the girl holds off anyone who isn’t an obvious dreamboat–and never get to know a shy or taciturn young man who would make a fantastic mate.

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One Response to “Courtship: Should There Be Only One Suitor?”

  1. Hobbit says:

    Interesting. I suspect that what is happening is that, in an attempt to avoid serial, one-after-the-other, courtships – a sort-of sanctified dating – some people are trying to push it in the other direction, into betrothal. Where, almost by definition, it’s the “first cab off the rank” that gets the marriage.

    I know that delayed marriage has its dangers, and marriage completely denied has a few more of its own, but some of the hard experience of other people I’ve seen, makes me quite reluctant to see pushed people into marriage before they are really ready for it.

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