Embracing Courtship With An Open Heart And Mind

Posted By on October 18, 2013

Enjoying each other's company

I was raised as a child to wait and discover the spouse God had in store for me. I embraced the term courtship, and dreamed of the day that God would bring the right man in my life for me. But I ended up having a little bit different story than what the books portray as being the “right way”.

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Recommended Resources
It’s Not That Complicated: How To Relate to Guys in a Healthy, Sane, and Biblical Way
What Our Father Taught us About Boys: How to Relate to Brothers in Christ, A Practical Guide
Marrying Well: Practical Wisdom on Courtship for Parents and Children
How To Evaluate A Suitor

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2 Responses to “Embracing Courtship With An Open Heart And Mind”

  1. Hobbit says:

    OK – interesting read, courtship as not modelled by Joshua Harris (and his courtship didn’t exactly join all the dots either). Now – is it the case that God has someone ‘picked out’ for (most of) us, or is it the case that who you marry is about making a wise choice in the matter?

    Dan Raunikar has been one who has argued that God has a specific choice, “God’s best”, for us, but this view has limitations. Suppose God would want Dan to marry Angie, but Angie, for whatever reason, goes off and marries someone else. This means that Dan will, by definition, end up with a ‘second-best’ choice, no matter how well he goes about things. Logically, this doesn’t hold a lot of water. Anyway – would value comment/criticism about the views I’ve raised above.

  2. LAF Editor says:

    Hello Hobbit,
    Here’s my entry into the discussion:

    A helpful perspective for all life choices we make and providences we face difficult or otherwise comes from understanding God’s decree, as well as first and second causes. Here is a sermon which explains the doctrine.

    http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=819131858207

    In short, we say, “I am trying to determine if ‘this’ is God’s will” when we are working to understand if this thing we’re considering, courtship in this example, is what God is purposing. We are the second cause and responsible to not make a decision based on self-will.

    While listening to the sermon, take care to listen especially when Mr. Botkin explains the difficulty in understanding God willing what He “would” and “would not” at the same time in order to understand why Dan married someone else. It might also help determine for Angie if there is anything to the potential idea that she is not what God intended for Dan, that perhaps it wasn’t a bad decision on Dan’s part but in keeping with the will of God. Perhaps the difficult providence would reveal to Angie that there was indeed self-will coloring her thinking and perspective of Dan. Providences like these aid in self examination.

    Also, in the sermon when Mr. Botkin gives an example of the self-willed decisions being made with regard to Academy attendees watching film, take note of the list of responsibilities that govern lawful decision making and what our prayers should be considering Who our futures hinge on and by Whom they are made. If we understand this, we can understand how sin can cloud our decision making, how we’re responsible to God for our choice of marriage partner, our need for grace, a total dependence upon God

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