Why Am I Not Married?!?
Posted By Anna Sofia & Elizabeth Botkin on July 5, 2010
Responding to “The Marriage Crisis”
We were recently sent the link to a very humorous satirical website: No Girl Left Behind (The Solution to the Marriage Crisis). Though the website is a farce, it plays on a very real panic we have encountered: an anxiety that not enough homeschooled young people are getting married these days.
The panic is summed up in the words of the site, “There are young people of both genders who wish to be married and are not.”
This is a True Statement. However, true observations can get blown out of proportion and trigger false alarm; fed with fear, emotionalism, bitterness, gossip and rumors, they can easily become a monster. Perspective is lost, objectivity destroyed, and it becomes hard for us to detach ourselves from our own personal concerns.
Looking realistically at the big picture, the existence of young people wishing to be married and having a hard time going about it is hardly a new phenomenon. Many of civilization’s most familiar literary classics revolve around this theme (Shakespeare or Austen, anyone?)
Nor is this “problem” a product of the courtship movement. Our whole generation is seeing an unusually prolonged season of singleness, from the secular crowd that intentionally puts off marriage, to the Christian singles-group dating scene that has created a minefield of thirty-something singles. Inside the courtship camp, marriage rates are in fact higher than for those outside. However, we’re still inhaling the fumes of the culture that has caused the general marriage delay, and some of this second-hand smoke is affecting our own matrimonial condition. In this article, we would like to examine three questions:
Is there a problem?
If so, who is to blame?
How can we fix it?
Is There a Problem?
If there is a problem, we believe it’s not that so many young people are not married – it’s that so many young people are not ready to be married. The capper is that we have such low standards for ourselves that we don’t even realize it.
Let’s be honest with ourselves about the ways we’ve been compromised by our society, usually without knowing it. We are still swaying to the beat of our culture’s drum, in many of our attitudes, our affections, our expectations, and our actions. Many of us have picked up Hollywood ideas about what men should be like, and what makes a good match. We’re often double-minded, with our convictions and our affections running in two different directions, looking for a man that will somehow gratify both. Many of us claim to be preparing for godly wifehood, but actually are doing so with a narcissistic and feministic self-focus. We often have lofty demands for suitors (well, not that lofty – just that they be Jonathan Edwards in Edward Cullen’s body), but love ourselves just the way we are. So the men we want to marry often don’t really exist – and if they did… well… why would they want to marry us?
Now that we’ve drunk from our culture’s well, we shouldn’t be surprised to be feeling some of the same symptoms. Thanks to cultural confusion, personal baggage, or pendulum swings, guys and girls are can have a hard time knowing how to have relationships with each other. Some of us girls still have weak relationships and poor communication with our fathers, which makes everything surrounding courtship difficult. Some of us still have traces of our feminist culture or our Barbie culture in our personalities and character, which make us unappealing to young men who share our convictions on biblical femininity. Fear of responsibility, confusion about love and attraction, selfish attitudes towards relationships, entitlement syndrome – we’re as likely to pick these up from Hollywood as the girl next door… and they’re just as likely to affect our matrimonial futures.
There are, by the way, plenty of people who have maturely avoided these mistakes, or repented of them. Among our friends, they are getting married. (If panicky singles would start looking outside of their own situations, they might notice all of the wonderful marriages taking place.)
But insofar as a problem exists, it should be identified as a maturity crisis – not a marriage crisis.
Who is to Blame?
The easiest and most common response is to point our fingers – at the young men, for not getting their act together, or for not being proactive about asking; at our fathers, for being too intimidating or too picky; or at leadership, for not doing something.
Whether or not the young men, fathers, and leadership involved have behaved infallibly is not our place to say; we are here to point out that we girls have no business fixating on anyone’s faults but our own. This is partly a point of Christian charity and proper jurisdiction. It’s also a point of having to be honest with ourselves. After all, in any one of our individual cases, the problem just might be: Us.
Our aspirations to be married to fine husbands are good; but then, that’s an aspiration that the Cinderellas and the ugly stepsisters of the world have always had in common. We need to step outside of our imaginary roles as the heroines of our own personal fairy tales, and ask ourselves: which one am I? Why would the prince choose me?
One of the hallmark verses of waiting daughters is “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is above rubies.” We all love to claim the “above rubies” appellation and the idea that we’re a great prize for a young man to find – but Proverbs 31 places that price tag on a very specific description of a woman, and we all know that it doesn’t describe us. So why do we demand to be treated, and eventually chosen, as though we were that Proverbs 31 woman?
For every girl we know asking why so few young men are “ready,” we know a young man asking where the ready and eligible girls are. Our brothers and their friends have told us that many of the qualities girls have cultivated to make themselves “eligible” are things that won’t come up on young men’s radar screens, and the qualities the young men are most looking for have been neglected.
For example, though many may have mastered skills like sewing and music, they often seem to be living in a hobby world, removed from the concerns of the real world, and lacking a basic understanding of what’s going on. Some may have learned to be “content,” but haven’t learned to be joyful. Some may be sweet girls, but they often communicate stiffness, timidity, aloofness, or coldness in public. Others may be popular and socially active, but haven’t built real relationships with their own family. Some may feel ready to be loved and romanced, but not ready to love sacrificially. Others may be very accomplished in “feminine arts” (cake decorating, flower arranging, scrapbooking), but lacking in practical skills that will recommend them as capable helpers (the kind of skills that would be required to start a business, manage finances, help run a ministry, etc.)
There are many girls who look prepared to be good mothers and good housekeepers, but not to be capable helpmeets. Our brothers and their friends have told us that they’re not looking for mere live-in maids and nannies; they want wives who would be capable of coming alongside them in the rigors of their lives; being engaging, iron-sharpening companions; and assisting them in business, ministry, adventure, risk, conquest, and uncertainty. The young men we know are asking, “Where are those girls?”
What is the Solution?
There is no quick fix for a problem that has taken generations of cultural immaturity and compromise to create. For starters, let’s stop looking at external problems and external solutions; we’re not going to fix a maturity crisis by calling in other people to make getting married easy for us.
As we’re sure our readers already understand, God is in complete control of who gets married when. There is nothing people can do to make the right marriages happen before God intends them to, and there is no use crusading or going on witch-hunts when it’s God’s sovereign plan we’re up against. This should be a great relief to us: “Seeing that a Pilot steers the ship in which we sail, who will never allow us to perish even in the midst of shipwrecks, there is no reason why our minds should be overwhelmed with fear and overcome with weariness.” (John Calvin)
But resting in God’s sovereignty doesn’t mean resigning from action, expecting Him to reward our laziness. Whatever He has in store for us, we still bear our responsibility to do our duty – to, in the words of the hymn, trust and obey. He tells us to “be faithful with little” before He will entrust us with much. He also promises, “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” (Galatians 6:9)
We cannot, by good behavior (or bad), will ourselves into the right marriages, or manipulate Him into making them happen faster. However, there is plenty we can and must be doing to make ourselves more ready and worthy for marriage. We would like to offer four suggestions:
Correct your thinking
Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh; our attitudes betray themselves in our actions.
There are several damaging streams of thought polluting our perceptions and eventually our actions. We need to sort through and evaluate all of our presuppositions about marriage, and correct the false ones. A few examples:
Each of these ideas has dangerous implications – try carrying out any of them to their logical conclusions, and you end up with…well… the No Girl Left Behind website.
Become a girl that a godly man will want to marry.
The bad news is, none of us is naturally likeable, desirable or eligible. Because of sin, we all start out as ugly stepsisters; and we don’t naturally become Cinderella upon turning 18. Put yourself in a young man’s shoes, and ask yourself what he might want and need. You might be surprised by how you measure up. If all the good young men you know aren’t interested in you, who are you going to blame?
View your single years as a time to prepare, not wait.
The good news is, most of us were given several single years to prepare and become truly eligible. As long as we don’t spend those years feeling like we’ve arrived, and like there’s something wrong with all the guys that haven’t noticed us yet, becoming more bitter with every wasted year, there’s a lot of progress that can be made, and much that could be accomplished. Make the most of your time!
Some of the girls most frantic to get married admit to us that they’re listless and unengaged at home, and that their relationships with their siblings are a mess. They don’t know it, but what they’re desperate for is a new home to be bored in, a new relationship to neglect, a new person to be crabby to, new circumstances to complain about, and a new life to make the least of.
Girls, if we’re failing where we are now, our propensity for failure will follow us wherever we go. Our bad character, bad attitudes and bad habits will blight our future lives as much as they are our current ones. Ask yourself: How well are you doing with the life you’re in the middle of right now? How well are you doing with the relationships God has put into your family right now? How well are you using your time? How well are you fighting the fight of faith?
“He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the last is unjust also in much.” (Luke 16:10)
Believe.
God is in control of your future, and His plan is being worked out day by day. The marriages that He has ordained to happen right now are happening, despite the fears of a “marriage crisis.”
In reality, dying an old maid is not the fate most to be feared. The consequences of acting in panic, desperation and fear, or of being poisoned by bitterness, can much more effectively ruin a woman’s life. We have seen this marriage-panic drive young women to destroy their most important relationships, marry recklessly, launch accusation-campaigns and witch-hunts that destroy communities and split churches, devastate their families, create miserable homes for their future children, and poison everyone they know.
Let’s look at the big picture again. Our chief end is not marriage. If attracting a nice Christian guy is the motivating force of your life, you might need to seriously examine the integrity of your faith. If the nonappearance of Prince Charming is making you question God, you may be facing a more serious fate than dying an old maid. Being in this for the husband is just riding to hell in a hopechest.
People sometimes ask why we, at the ages of 22 and 24, are not yet married. The only answer we can give is that God has not ordained for us to be married yet, and that is, like all His other works, “very good”; we are enjoying the extra time to labor with our family, to prepare ourselves more fully, and to “occupy until ‘he’ comes.” As much as we pray for godly marriages, there is much to rejoice about in the calling of visionary daughterhood.
So smile at the future. Think about something other than marriage. And don’t forget to write to your congressman.
About The Author
Anna Sofia & Elizabeth Botkin
Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin are the only daughters of Geoffrey and Victoria Botkin. They and their five brothers share their family’s vision for cultural reformation, and enjoy working with their father on projects affecting family, church, and state. They delight in discovering new things every day about the beauty and power of the biblical home and family unit, and in investigating the glorious and diverse opportunities open to young women at home. At 24 and 22 years of age, respectively, their interests include film making, orchestral harp, history, music theory and composition, theology, the reconstruction of the West, hospitality, classical piano, the persecuted church, and home-making. They’d be delighted to hear your questions or comments regarding So Much More or Visionary Daughters. Email them at damsels (AT) visionarydaughters (DOT) comComments
9 Responses to “Why Am I Not Married?!?”
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To Ladies against Feminism followers,
I have been following this website for several years, reading every article and following as much as I could. Maybe my situation is similar to yours. When I first found this site I was impressed with all of the articles talking about the importance of motherhood and womanhood, the problem modern feminism poses to the family, etc…some of the articles were really eye opening and even exciting with lots of enriching ideas. In short, I related and that’s all I noticed for a while. Looking at it on a whole I began to realize that there were only certain women with a certain upbringing and perspective before finding this site who would connect here. If you read frequently asked questions and many of the articles, you’ll realize that it was designed to “preach to the choir,” chances are you didn’t suddenly realize that families are important or that abortion was wrong, or whatever, though it may have brought a new light to some of your perspectives. Many of you may have wished that it could touch the hearts of all women with different upbringings and truly organize you in a way to make a real difference in the world, rather than just vent frustration. Many of you hunger to touch lives and thirst for further truth and understanding—which alone makes you wonderful, I believe, in God’s eyes. As you’ve come to this site you have come across things which may have taken you aback and stirred your heart in a quiet way that has made you say more than once, “I’m not sure that’s quite correct…I’m definitely not feminist, but maybe I’m the one that’s wrong, I want to be open-minded. So I’ll accept what this writer is telling me because this site is usually correct and uplifting.” And so you continue with a certain sense of guilt, “Maybe I’m not faithful enough because I voted for that person…I can’t believe I majored in home-economics, now I know I should have just stayed home instead…I feel overwhelmed that I kissed at engagement instead of after marriage…The women in here are so virtuous—it’s like they jumped out of the pages of the scriptures…the women at my church are not diving into anti-feminism enough, should I quit and join a particular denomination the authors belong to?” I strained at things that did not change God’s love for me or my qualification for salvation. Sound familiar? You may have combed articles to find redemption in this site, you may have allowed authors to define the scriptures for you, you may have become dissatisfied with your husband because he may not have held to your LAF-orthodox views. If you do your homework you’ll find this site is maintained only by a couple of women along with their pastor. Other articles are pulled in from different women when it suits the site’s objectives. Although occasional denominations are given articles for diversity’s sake, ironically one of them being Judaism (this is a Christian site after all, just read FAQ), other denominations are treated with some subtle contempt, with barely any grounds in anti-feminism other than suspicion and perceived threats circulated among evangelical circles. Some fingers being pointed are to the point that they are pharasiacal and rely too much on their own theories—when we fail to acknowledge that we don’t have all of the answers. Always wearing dresses won’t increase your chances of getting into heaven, or even homeschooling (although I do plan on doing that). Formal women’s groups that rely on donations, sales, or membership fees and attempt to educate their own are declining rapidly in the United States. That is because women are finding that the sweetest words to them on who they should become are in their hearts, in prayer, and in the scriptures. They find fulfillment in serving their children and neighbors, not articles or conventions. If you know feminism is wrong why do you have to donate hours every month to confirming your own belief over and over again? Is it because you feel that nobody understands that you are a stay-at-home wife? Your larger than average family? Kindness and faith in God, scriptures, not eloquent articles, will help strengthen you. Start making a real difference in others’ lives today.
Dear Meagan,
Sounds like you have some real issues with LAF. I am sorry you feel the site is so narrow. We actually have six editors–not two. We also have about three dozen regular contributors with posting privileges, and we keep adding more all the time. So far, we have writers from the following denominations (this is just the ones I can think of off the top of my head; I am sure there are more):
Presbyterian
Southern Baptist
Reformed Baptist
Episcopal
Reformed Episcopal
Church of Christ
Pentecostal
Anglican
Reformed Evangelical
And, yes, our lovely writer from Israel, who is an Orthodox Jew.
Our writers hail from Great Britain, Belgium, the Netherlands, Sweden, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and all over the United States.
There’s no conspiracy on this end to urge people to bail from their denominations or find a “perfect” church–no such thing exists. There’s no desire to see women one-up each other with how they’ve done everything “right.” Quite the contrary. My husband kissed me on our engagement day, and, last time I checked, our marriage was doing fine.
We’ve got women writing from all kinds of backgrounds and situations. Many do not agree completely on issues like modesty, courtship, or child training. But they all share a desire to see women come back to the Standard of Scripture and embrace God’s calling for women. That will never create a homogeneous whole, because all women are different and have different family situations. We even have two single moms who have managed to stay home and homeschool their children in the face of church opposition and now write to encourage other moms in similar situations (widowed or abandoned) to press on.
LAF isn’t about “straining” at things to “qualify for salvation.” Not a bit. Redemption is found in the finished work of Christ on the cross alone. Our works follow as a thank offering to the God we love (Eph. 2:10). I suggest you read our “Start Here” article, because it answers all of the assumptions you’ve made here and then some. We appreciate sincere criticism given to help us focus our message and address real needs in our world. We want to make sure that we’re equipping women to address feminism but also to love the feminists (many of us were once feminists ourselves, and all of us still have the sinful nature that desires to put self first).
LAF doesn’t need donations in order to stay afloat, nor is it a members-only kind of club. We’ve used donations to give to widows through Gleaning the Harvest. We’ve sent hundreds of books free of charge to women who have written asking for sources but lacking the funds to purchase them. Supporting LAF is done through prayers, writing, sharing links, and much more than just donating funds. It couldn’t exist without a wider community of women who give of their time and their insight.
Finally, you talk about how unnecessary “articles and conventions” are and how women should just be serving their children and neighbors. That’s like saying we don’t need books or sermons; we just need to follow God. I think you’re creating a false dichotomy here. There’s no “either-or” situation in this case. Women can and should put their families and neighbors first. But there is also a place for learning and studying so that we are better equipped to serve those God has put into our paths. Titus 2 calls older women to instruct younger women “to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” LAF exists as a Titus 2 site for this very purpose. As feminism calls more and more women to forsake home and family and community, LAF is here to call them back and to refute the lies of feminism. We won’t do it perfectly; we’re sinful human beings like everyone else. But we will continue to do it, because it is something God has clearly called women to do. There are many members of the Body. Not all are called to start up websites or write or edit. That’s fine. But that doesn’t mean none are called.
We are thankful for the wide variety of Christian ministries online, each filling a particular niche in calling God’s people to be faithful and to press the crown rights of Jesus in every area of life. LAF might be a tiny pinkie finger of that Body, but we’re here. And we’re thankful to be part of Christ’s work in the world.
I hope you’ll take more time to read LAF. From what you’ve written, it seems evident you have not even made it through the theme articles. They will get you off to a good start and help you see that what is here is much broader than a “couple of women and a pastor.”
God bless!
Jennie Chancey
Dear Mrs. Chancey,
I’m so pleased with your response, it was well written and uncontentious. I hope you don’t think I was lying. I really have been on this site for years and read every article I could plus links outside, although I never commented before–I’m paranoid of giving my email away. And I really did like this site for a long time and did not have any issues with it until recently when something clicked in my mind the other day that made me upset. I really gave off a bad impression like sounding like this site had ulterior motives and making it sound like there was a conspiracy afoot. I seriously don’t think that’s the case, there may be other motives than simply anti-feminism here, but nothing bad, and certainly not making women feel guilty. I know the intentions here are good and you’ve made a good effort to try and dispel first impressions (yes, I have read your “start here” articles before, I must sound like just another one of those people who jump to conclusions and get all mad).
I’m just worried for other women who might have made good contributors or readers and who may have truly been touched: the woman who has never had good roots in faith and doesn’t realize that feminism is a problem, or the woman from an entirely different interpretation of Christianity who shares the same views on feminism but feels this site is intolerant of her, or a woman from an outside religion that doesn’t relate to Christianity at all and feels confused at how to interpret what this site teaches with her own feelings on womanhood. How does one get to write for LAF anyway? It seems tight-knit. It could reach out to so much more, but I know that your motivation is to “equip women to address feminism” as you said. It’s good to know that this tool is out there for women who already agree, but it won’t directly, as just a website, change any hearts or convert anyone—I hope you know that. I gave the suggestion of quitting the site in favor of service more for women who spend too much time on it—so much that it interferes with their life. My mother-in-law is always out attending conventions on family that she neglects to be a grandmother. Also quitting if it’s making one feel guilty and the only reason one is on here is because they feel it could redeem them, when in reality they know that’s not true. (I know this site makes no claim to replace the church, but still, it can feel that way) Also because action speaks louder than words. Other than that it does provide some really good links. I still think this is a really good site and I don’t hate it, but I’m seeing a lot of negative comments and disagreements lately. I probably don’t cope with that as well as others do, I really hate to see contention/suspicion, I wish there was less of that. That last one was the actual trigger for me in wanting to make my feelings known.
Thank you again for posting my comment and responding. Please excuse my lack of concise words. It wont happen again.
Thanks for this reply back, Meagan. I appreciate your willingness to continue the discussion and think through what LAF is here for.
I’m not sure what “clicked” in your mind; if you care to share, we’d very much like to know. All of us work to keep the tone of the site uplifting and helpful and real, but, as you know from my “Start Here” article, I have a love-hate relationship with the Internet. It is utterly impossible to accurately read “tone” on any website. There’s no voice; no facial expression; no personality. There are just pixels on a screen. No matter how hard we strive to write well and present what we have graciously, the missing element of a flesh-and-blood presence is going to hinder how the message comes across. I’ve often said I wished I could have every reader over to my house for a meal (or several!). The Internet can never, ever replace personal relationships with real sinners.
As for the women who are new to LAF and may have never heard of any of these things we talk about before, that’s why we have the “starter” article, the Theme Articles category, and the FAQs. Those are there specifically for first-time visitors who want to get their feet wet or who are just curious about where we’re coming from. But we have no way to mandate that everyone read those. Some folks are going to skip them and will perhaps have a wrong impression as a result. Most of the negative comments we receive fit into that category. It quickly becomes obvious that the person has never read the FAQs or theme articles or really taken time to investigate what we’re here for. Many times, those naysayers later come back to thank us for pointing them in the right direction.
And I can assure you that the site has, indeed, been a life-changing tool for many women. You wrote that it “won’t directly, as just a website, change any hearts or convert anyone.” Well, that’s true in one sense, because only the Holy Spirit can change hearts or convert people. But God uses means to accomplish His ends. The Holy Spirit ministers through weak, sinful human flesh as each of us reach out to others (however imperfectly). We have received dozens upon dozens of emails over the years from women who said LAF was a catalyst for a change of heart as they came to see that biblical womanhood wasn’t superficial or all about appearances but had serious substance. Many women have written to say it helped them walk away from careers that were keeping them from their families. Those letters are part of what keeps us going. We aren’t discouraged by the naysayers. In fact, some of the most vitriolic critics later come back to thank us, and that is really encouraging.
We don’t shut off the critics. The “old” LAF ran on a software platform that didn’t allow for blog-style comments. And, frankly, we didn’t have time to moderate comments when LAF first started. With this new platform, we can add as many editors and contributors as we like and allow readers to comment. When criticism is filled with hatred and/or ugly language or is a personal attack, we don’t post it, but that is very, very rare (I can only think of two instances since we re-launched, in fact). I’d encourage you not to be distressed by negative comments. They give writers a chance to better explain a point and reach out to that person. They also allow us to debate in a less formal fashion with those who take issue with our statistics or data. Back on the “old” LAF, we got about one negative comment for every ten kind comments. Every now and again, I’d compile a post of the latest comments so people could read reactions to the site. But a lot of readers really didn’t like the “flame” posts being shared publicly, as a lot of them were just incredibly hateful. So we quit doing that, and we have high hopes that this new comment platform will encourage people to use words more carefully and avoid personal attack. So far, that has been the case, and we are glad to see discussions going on that encourage readers to dig still further or rethink a position — and encourage us to do the same!
As for how we add new writers to LAF, we have a page on Facebook where other bloggers can post links to what they’ve written (and readers can post comments about things they want to recommend). We routinely add new writers that way. Or someone will post a link to an article in a comment here, and that helps introduce us to someone new, too. The “old” LAF had an open portal so that anyone could post a pending article, but we got so many submissions it was really difficult to keep up. This new blog platform is much easier for us to manage! As busy wives and mothers, we don’t have time to surf around the Internet looking for interesting articles, so the word-of-mouth recommendations are extremely helpful and important. I have a Google newsfeed that sends links to the latest stories on feminism (through the use of several keywords), and that is a helpful tool as well. But, mainly, LAF is just kept up by a bunch of us who post or answer comments as time permits (I’m up typing while my children are in bed and my husband is on a flight home — naptime/quiet time is another little block I use sometimes to play “catch-up”).
Finally, we definitely don’t want to encourage women to spend too much time online. That is a real problem today. It takes discipline to set limits on computer time and really keep to those limits. We have rules in our house for computer usage, and we set timers to help us stick to them. When the timer goes off, the computer is shut down. When there’s a special project or urgent work to be done (taxes, anyone?), we allow for longer computer time, but always when it won’t interfere with normal family life. The temptation to waste time isn’t restricted to the Internet, of course. Anything (anything!) can become a time-waster. My mother hated the telephone when we were growing up, because people always called at the wrong time of day and wanted to talk and talk and talk. Finally, my dad said, “Why not just let the phone ring?” (this was before we had an answering machine). So during “school hours,” the phone just rang, and Mom ignored it. Wow! What a remarkable change from the frustration of trying to get off a protracted phone call! The same thing can happen with hobbies or crafts or television or gardening — there must be balance and discipline so that something doesn’t just take over the family. I encourage ladies to try a media fast regularly. Three families urged us to try this years ago, and it is remarkable what it does for your perspective. We cut out all Internet activity except for personal and business emails for three months one time, and it was so refreshing. We now make it a point to do this a couple of times a year — just turning off the flow of information and focusing on something else. It’s an amazing way to refocus and re-prioritize. Lots of families have other ways of taming the “beast” (whatever beast that might be in a given family), and I love to hear suggestions for how to better balance priorities.
Anyway, thanks again for the follow-up note and for sticking around. We’re glad to have you here!
Blessings,
Jennie
Thank you so much for this article. God brought it to my attention just when I needed it.
I am one of those ladies whose life LAF has changed massively and all for the better! I can’t tell you how grateful I have been for all I have learned. I sincerely thank God for leading me to it.
This article spoke to me on so many levels and reminds me not to play the blame game when God’s timing is not my timing.
Keep up the good work!!
Andrea
Hello everyone,
I just found your site a few months ago and have absolutely loved it! I have told all of my friends to check it out. I think you guys are doing an awesome job and it is very timely. I was not raised being taught the views expressed in this website. I have studied and have come to agreement with a great deal of the material in this site. Although I already agreed with the majority of it, I find great encouragement through your articles. Thanks for a lovely, GOD honoring site.
A Blessed Mother
Jennie, you forgot Catholic. *W*
Dear Heart of faith, I too have been a long time reader and contributor to LAF, and I will admit I too have sometimes read an article and thought: “well this goes too far.” or “I really can not agree with that view at all.” But then I believe that some people will have probably read my own articles on here and thought the same. I think it is actually the diversity of LAF that allows people from different background to both relate and be challenged. Sometimes this challenge leads us to a better place in our own walk with God, and sometimes it just makes us frown and decide that one particular viewpoint is just not our own. I could even go back about five years and STILL remember one particular article of which I really disliked the viewpoint.
But I honestly believe that people who read this site have more in common in their hearts than their differences.
While I do not want to go into details here, I can assure you I definitely do not come from a idyllic background. In fact, based on my background and the statistics, I definitely would not belong on LAF. But God is greater than statistiscs and backgrounds and for some reason He had mercy on me. I found LAF when my girlhood was long past, and it gave further food to a desire for a different path that was already within me. Someone else had sewn the seeds, but LAF was the rain on the field so to speak.
Like Jennie, I hope you will continue to read and to discuss and that you find more articles that you like and find yourselves challenged through, than that disturb you.
Be loved and blessed,
Eva H.
Oops, almost forgot to add: I like the article as well, the pensiveness as well as the warning against desperation. I did not meet the husband God had inteded for me until I was nearly thirty, and while I thought I was ready before, I do now see I was not. And even if I had been ready, that didn’t translate into entitlement…
I believe the Proverbs 31 woman is just that: a mature woman with years of experience in managing a household, years to gain or hone the skills that make her an excellent helpmeet for her husband. She did not start out in her marriage that way. She had the potential at the beginning and a godly character, yes, but this is describing a woman in the crowning years of her life. No one would expect a newly commissioned lieutenant to have the wisdom and experiential skills of a general who has served for 30 years. Wisdom and competence need a lifetime to develop. Failure in an enterprise is sometime a better teacher than success. Young people should first look for the basic character traits of a godly person: honesty, chastity, humility, industry. Everything else will follow. A willingness to learn by doing will let a person gain many skills, perseverance is better than inborn ability. Young men should not be encouraged to hold to Proverbs 31 as a set of qualifications for potential wife of their own age, but rather as a vision of a woman whose abilities and skills in building and keeping a home have achieved full bloom encouraged by a supportive relationship.
Linda