Hospitality is the art of making others feel at home. It incorporates comfort and entertainment at the same time. Hospitality should be shown to those with whom you are familiar, such as family and church members, and to those who are strangers. Showing hospitality to strangers or "new" people will expand your friendships and increase your social sphere. The general command to show hospitality to one another (I Peter 4:9) leaves us much room for creativity. It does not always have to take place at mealtimes, or even at home, for it is a principle of love that we follow, not a set of rules. We do know that the early Christians used their homes as places of hospitality, and it is the most expedient and sensible for us today, as well. Home is where we function the most comfortably, and where our things are that we use to serve others, such as our dishes and our cooking equipment.
| Although not all forms of hospitality require setting the table, you will find that serving food is a natural aspect of sharing your love with others. Thinking about the happiness and delight of your guests will be enormously satisfying, as you carefully place the utensils, plates and napkins in their places. When you have created the setting, step back and look at the room as though you were the guest, and notice how it makes you feel. Miss Rebecca Newton and Miss Amy Newton, of Oklahoma, have graciously supplied us with this lovely photo of their formal dining room set in dramatic colors of red and blue. "We lay long stem roses down the center of the table for a simple centerpiece. The glassware belonged to our great-grandmother," Rebecca told us. The centerpiece does not dominate or obstruct the faces of the guests, as it lies so modestly on the table. The Miss Newtons keep their own roses in the garden to pick whenever they like. Besides growing your own flowers for table decoration, it is good to have what is called a "table wardrobe" from which to choose for a variety of occasions. This may include several sets of place mats in different colors and patterns, table cloths, napkins and even more than one set of dishes in different styles. If you have a spare chest of drawers or a trunk or even a wicker container with a lid, you can store your table collection in an orderly way. |  |
Using What You Have:
Whether you are entertaining family or guests, adorning the table with things that have a special meaning to you (such as your own roses, or your wedding china) will help to create that special atmosphere you desire. Notice on this table the particular placing of such things as forks, knives, tea cups and glassware. This is what is considered most "proper" and useful to serve a meal in this day and age. You are not aiming for an "ostentatious" display or trying to be a "show off" when you set a lovely table. Homeschooling father Monte Swan writes, "[B]eauty is viewed as non-essential by many Christians--a wordly extravagance that believers do not have time to indulge in as they work for God's kingdom.... [But] the first persons recorded in Scripture as being filled with the Holy Spirit were the artisans and craftmen God ordained to fashion the holy vessels and furniture for the tabernacle. Aaron's priestly garments were to be designed for 'beauty and holiness.' Beauty thus bears witness to the character of God, and art is an ordained way to bear this witness." (Romancing Your Child's Heart, p. 237 -- available from Loyal Publishing.) We need to revel in the beauties God has displayed in His creation and reflect those beauties in our own homes as an act of praise. By all means, pull out the best that you have and use it. And if all you have are plastic or paper plates, use your creative energies to make even the simplest settings reflect God's created order and loveliness.
Speaking of wedding china, one of the most useful things you can own is a punch bowl. Ideally, this should be something that first appears at the wedding to serve the guests, and is taken home for future celebrations and hospitality. You may think that it will never be used, and it may sit it the box with the 20 punch cups and take up space for several years, but do not lose heart. One lady with whom I am closely acquainted was presented with an extraordinary crystal punch bowl and cups set as a wedding gift by her new husband. She thanked him politely but secretly thought she would never use it. She confesses that 35 years later she is using that punch bowl more than she ever thought possible, as her family and friends increase in number. Serving with a punch bowl lends a feeling of celebration to an event and makes the guests feel special. You can get good punch bowl sets at discount stores for under $15.00. For this price, you may have more than one if you wish to entertain larger groups. Other people may borrow this from you for their own special event, and you will be happy to lend it, especially to wedding parties. It may also serve as a fruit bowl, dessert container or any number of things. Punch bowls look very nice when they sit upon a buffet table in your dining room and can be filled with sparkly ornaments in winter or flowers in summer, if you do not wish to store it away. When I see a punch set, or even a tea set, in someone's home, I know they show hospitality on a regular basis.
If you are new to the practice of hospitality, let me recommend to you that you not begin with too large an undertaking, but invite only a limited number of guests until you have built experience and confidence in planning and serving others. Just a table set for two or three can ease your way to hospitality in bigger doses. Take that table and set it as finely as you can. Use the best that you have, and make the event special for the ones you wish to entertain. If your food is simple or plain, the table setting will make it seem special. To become easy with hospitality, invite someone you are at ease with, and know well, along with someone you have not before invited. This way, your friend can help you entertain the other guest. Whether you use an old typewriter table with a pretty cloth draped over it, or a regal dining table with matching chairs, you should do the very best you can to make the hospitality experience beautiful for everyone, keeping their happiness and comfort in mind.
 | This is the Misses Newton's informal kitchen table. They purchase partial sets of white English stoneware at Goodwill or second hand stores and garage sales whenever they see them. The tablecloth is a quilt made by a family member some years ago. Table settings and embellishments give off a "mood" to the diners of peace or festivity, depending on the colors, textures and styles. The hostess can also dress to coordinate with the color and style of her table, in keeping with the type of event she is celebrating. |
The grand finale of hospitality tables is found in Mrs. Chancey's well appointed and elegant dining room in Virginia. A room free of clutter seems more peaceful and allows guests to get easily in and out of their chairs. The cup and saucers are placed to the right of the individual's plate, and the glassware sits above the knife on the right. To the left are the forks and the bread plate. Napkins can either sit on the left side, or on the plate, or even done in various decorative ways on the table. Table settings are not the most important ingredient in hospitality, but they help to show your guests that you prepared for the event and put some thought into it.
Practicing hospitality when you are able helps children to grow up used to it so that later on they do not feel unusual or awkward having guests in their home. The more you extend hospitality, the more you will be able to conduct it with social ease. You can have special training sessions with your children, brothers or sisters, to sharpen your manners at mealtime. If you want to know more about the details of hospitality, whether you are the guest or the hostess, you may find a miniature book by Running Press, called The Little Book of Etiquette by Dorthea Johnson. In it you will see a drawing of how to set a table, and read about the different styles of hospitality. If you would like to know more about how to put on a formal get together, try a video by Ruth Kerns, from www.modernetiquette.com . Although this training course is very formal, you may find some things you want to include in your own style of entertaining.
The important thing is to let your guests know that they are expected and that you are looking forward to seeing them very much. When they do arrive, meet them at the door and tell them you are glad they could come, and show them where to hang their coats and where they can be seated. Do not make them feel awkward or unwelcome. Guests also should help make the hostess feel comfortable, and do their best to be pleasing, so that she will not be discouraged from future entertaining. Usually, guests stay in the living area until the hostess announces that dinner is served. She then either allows them to choose their own seats, or shows them where to be seated. If she is including a mother with a baby or small child, she may choose seating that will allow her easy access out of her seat to attend to the needs of the baby or take a toddler to another room, such as seating that does not hem her in where she must ask others to move, in order to get out. The hostess, of course, will need to choose the chair nearest the kitchen where she can easily come and go.
Two kinds of hospitality include planned and impromptu gatherings. They each have their purposes, and you should be able to extend both. Impromptu entertaining requires that you have something at home that can easily be prepared or heated up and served. I knew a woman who was renowned for the delicious taste of her breads and muffins, and she would freeze extras for a later time. I always looked for ward to her quick invitations to tea, just for bread and butter and hot tea, or her whole grain muffins.
Practice with your own family as guests, or your close friends with whom you feel the most at ease. Eventually, hospitality will be something you can pull off quite naturally without much stress. Entertain in small ways at first, gradually building up to larger groups of guests. If hospitality seems like an extremely difficult thing for you, and you do not know where to begin, pretend you are having company. Arrange a small table, prepare special food, serve it and eat it, to sample your own hospitality. The hostess can keep a card file or notebook of her special hospitality events, making notes of the particular foods served and the occasion, the color or theme, along with the names of the guests, and their preferences. She can also record what foods went over well, and what foods were not as well liked. This can be called a Hospitality Book. Clippings of ideas can be kept in this book, for future reference.
The guests also have a responsibility in helping make the meal pleasant. They must be careful not to be demanding and not keep their hostess on her feet by constantly asking for something that is not on the table, or by asking to be shown where something is so they can get it themselves. Once a guest is seated, she should be content to stay there until she is excused by the hostess, who will say, "Shall we go sit in the lounge (or living room) where it is more comfortable?" If the hostess is diligent to look after the needs of her guests, noticing when their glasses or teacups need filling, or passing the food around again, the guests will have no need to constantly ask for things. Practice manners sessions at home before you attempt to have guests, or before you become a guest, will do wonders in preparing you for your next adventure in hospitality. Hospitality is a great helper in forming good relationships with others. Even those with whom we have strained relationships will become more congenial when they are invited to our banquet tables.
