"Oh Lizzie, to know that what I have to relate will give such pleasure to all my dear family! How shall if bear so much happiness!" declared Miss Jane Bennet to her sister, shortly after Mr. Bingley's proposal. Weddings are happy occasions, but there truly aren't enough of them these days. Couples who live together and forego the wedding deny the pleasure of the match and the wedding to all their dear family. When both families applaud the match, the pleasure is intensified for the couple as well. Knowing their families approve increases the happiness of the couple.
Wedding--Victorian Couples C. Schweninger You May Order This Art Print At AllPosters.com | There are two kinds of people at a wedding: those in the wedding party, and those who are invited guests. There are rules for proper behavior and dress for everyone who attends the wedding. The most important thing to remember about a wedding is that this is the intended couple's special day, not yours. Therefore, the focus of attention will be on the bride and groom, not on you. If you are in the wedding party, you must follow the wishes of the couple regarding the way you dress. A bridesmaid must not wear something that embarasses the bride or calls too much attention to herself.
If you are a guest, remember that you don't have a "right" to be at the wedding. It is a privilege. You are there because you were invited. You don't have a right to spoil the couple's special day by dressing like you just came in from a beach party or from working in the yard. Don't dress in a style that the bride would not approve of. It is her party, not yours. One thing you should remember is that weddings are often caught on film. Do you want to be embarassed years later to play the film and have people see the scanty, careless way in which you dressed? The bride is perfectly within propriety to request a certain dress code of her guests. If she sends a note in her announcement that there is to be no immodest or outlandish styles worn to the ceremony, this is what it means: no mini-skirts, no slits in skirts, no tight tops with a view of the belly, no sandals, no sleeveless garments, no pants, no shorts, no spikey hair, no body piercing ( nose rings are historically a sign of slavery. Whose slaves are we, anyway?), no smoking or drinking in the parking lot, no casual clothing. For men, no leather jackets and no pony tails, no necklaces and no strange-looking trousers. This is not a time to make a fashion statement or call attention to your "individuality." The focus is completely on the wedding party. You are there to watch the show and be supportive. Remember the video and the pictures that may come back to embarass you in later years when your tastes and sense have matured. |
The question always arises "Is it proper to require a dress code at my wedding?" There is a parable in the Bible which tells of a king who threw out a man who was invited to a wedding but came without wedding clothes. While this parable has a more profound meaning, we can get an idea of how offensive it is to come to a wedding without being properly dressed. It is certainly the couple's decision as to how the guests will dress. These days, you can't be sure what will happen if you don't tell the guests specifically what to wear. If you are worried about what people might wear, you might include a list tucked inside the invitation of what is not acceptable to wear at the wedding. You may find it necessary to spell out quite graphically what is and is not allowed. If you say "long skirts" for example, you have to be careful that they won't come in a short top which exposes the midriff, or that the skirt doesn't have a slit clear up the thigh. A long dress or tea length, will always be appropriate. You can specify no sleeveless or bare backs, if you like. It is your party, and you can do what you wish. If the guests don't like it, they missed a good party.
The thing that must be kept in mind is that pictures and films of the wedding and reception will "tell on you" and embarrass you years later. In my opinion, there is nothing more disrespectful and flippant than wearing short skirts or shorts and tank tops to weddings. While men may wear jeans to a country or western wedding, women can still dress in denim skirts. There will always be those who think that even if someone wants to dress half naked, it is better to have them there than not. I am here to tell you that is not true. It is a bad influence on others, who might think that is acceptable, and develop a desire to dress that way. It also makes the event less formal and less important than it is. Our society has become so casual that this attitude has crept into churches. "At least they are here" is the mantra of the day. Those who "dress down" at solemn and formal events are not the boss, not the leaders and not the rulemakers; the hosts are. Perhaps the reason that dress for weddings has become so casual, is that people are not educated as to the seriousness of getting married. It is viewed as just another party. If you are really concerned that someone will ruin your wedding by the way they dress or conduct themselves, assign a man and a woman to stand at the door to greet the guests. If they see someone who is dressed outrageously or offensively, they can offer them the opportunity to go back home and change their clothes, mentioning what would be required. I've actually seen this done in restaurants. One time my family was invited to attend a private club dinner on a golf course. My sons came in jeans, and they were not allowed in. They were cited the dress code and invited to return once they had dressed in regular slacks, shirts and ties. If the restaurants managers can do it, the wedding hosts can do it also. If you are the only one in a dress at a wedding, do not feel discouraged. It is sad that dress codes are now being considered for weddings and churches, but I will think you will agree that things have just gone too far!
| The ceremony itself is a solemn occasion. Modern man has grown so casual, that dignified occasions are uncomfortable. In order to feel at ease in such a tense situation, people often resort to making flippant remarks and smart retorts. Even the vows do not escape the pranks and jokes, as the minister and the couple try to make everyone feel at ease. The best thing to remember in deciding how you will conduct your wedding and say your vows is this: What memories will we be creating for the future? How will our children view our wedding, if inappropriate things take place? Once a prank has been played it cannot be undone, and the memory of it may not fade. Remember you are creating a record of what you do on that day and plan very carefully every aspect of it so that no mishaps occur. You are not on your own if you abide by the wisdom of your parents and other close advisors. |
Signing the Register Edmund Blair-Leighton You Mat Order This Art Print At AllPosters.com |
Pranks and practical jokes have no place at a wedding. If you think this is way too serious, let me remind you that there are many stories of weddings ending in tragedy instead of happiness, because of a serious mishap during a playful joke. Weddings need not be expensive, in fact, it is better and makes for happiness of everyone, if they are not. The parents have less strain on their pocket book and the couple can use the money that would have been spent on an elaborate scheme, for buying a house, or furniture, which will last much longer.
Wedding Dress Tayler You May Order This Art Print At AllPosters.com | The Dress - Brides, in an effort to impress everyone, often spend far too much money on the dress--money that could be better spent to help the couple with their expenses. There are many beautiful dresses available that are not expensive, and having one made is a beautiful alternative. I once attended a wedding where the bride and groom were very limited in the money they could spend on the wedding. The bride wore a beautiful white eyelet dress that was under $50.00. Think about wearing your own mother's or grandmother's wedding dress if it fits you, and having it altered to suit you. Consider a dress that may not be a wedding dress exactly, but would suit your budget just fine and looks great on you. |
The Rings - As with the wedding clothes, too often couples spend enormous amounts of money on the rings. The rings are not just a sentimentality but a symbol of belonging to someone. If you are going to be a homemaker, your hands will be into everything--the dishes, the laundry, the garden, cleaning products, paint and solvents, washing the car, and so forth. Do not select an expensive ring that may become damaged. If babies arrive, a protruding ring can scratch their little faces. Rings can catch on things also, so be wise in your choice of rings. Rings under $100.00 are just fine, and if they are damaged they can be replaced. You will want a ring you can wear all the time and not have to take off when you have to put your hands in something like bread dough. Rings can be practical and beautiful, but there is no use getting one so expensive that you have to go into debt.
Sweets to the Sweet
Edmund Blair-Leighton
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The Flowers - Here is another thing that brides allow to get too expensive. There are many alternatives to the expensive line of wedding flowers sold in florist shops. One idea is to buy a dozen roses on the day of the wedding from your local grocery store, tie them in a wide ribbon, and cradle them in your arm. The bridesmaids can be each given a single rose to carry. Another alternative is to use flowers from your own or a friend's garden: the bold rose tied up with the humble forget-me-not, or even the greenery from the cedar trees. If you've seen a flower you loved while you were growing up, you may use it straight out of your own yard in your bouquet.
| The Location - In some countries, weddings can only legally take place in a courthouse or a church building. In America, we are free to have a wedding anywhere, and that makes it possible to be married at home if you like. In the Victorian era, many weddings took place in the family home, as well as births and funerals. The home is a very inexpensive place for a wedding and reception. You don't have to pay any fees except for the minister. Your parents may have spent many years paying for and improving their property, so why not use it for something as important as a wedding? It will give you an incentive for sprucing the place up. Churches are now charging very heavy fees to allow weddings to take place inside their places of worship, for various reasons (many of them legitimate), and so marrying at home makes a lot of sense. Imagine a wedding in your own yard, complete with the trellis and the climbing roses, and a reception under a shady tent. Or you might consider seeking out a country church that doesn't charge exorbitant amounts for weddings and choose to hold your reception on the grounds. One couple did this in 1996 for $100! |
Courtship Edmund Blair-Leighton You May Order This Art Print At AllPosters.com |
The Wedding Attendants - Carefully consider choosing your maid of honor and bridesmaids, as well as the groomsmen. These people must be willing to serve in several capacities during the wedding. The best man usually has to make a toast to the couple, with a speech about the groom. The bridesmaid has to look after the bride's needs such as helping her adjust her clothing, keeping track of her bouquet, and seeing that the bride and groom have been served food at the reception. You may wish to consider whether to have attendants at all, for it can be a trial to get that sort of thing organized. If you do not use attendants, you can still have a beautiful wedding.
Wedding
Sir Samuel Luke Fildes
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The Reception - Whether your reception is elaborate or simple, it should be a wonderful time of sharing with your guests. I've been to receptions where all that is served is punch from a fountain and wedding cake. Other receptions consisted of cold foods, or a wedding tea where dainties were served. Some weddings have sit-down dinners where hot meals are eaten. If the wedding takes place in the home, careful consideration should be given that the bride's mother does not do all the cleaning, arranging, cooking and catering and is free to enjoy the reception. If you have a close fellowship with the church or your own relatives, these people will be happy to provide the reception food. If your father can afford it and wants to do it, he can hire a catering company to take over the food situation. You are not obligated to provide a huge banquet for your guests, and if you want to keep costs down, the important things are the cake and the punch, which will be used for the toasts. I think today that too big of a deal is made of the reception party, and far too much money is spent--money that could help the couple purchase a home or pay debts. Perhaps you know someone who has taken a cake decorating course, who would be glad to contribute a wedding cake. You are also welcome to make your own wedding cake if you have the talent and the time to do it. One home wedding reception I attended consisted only of a ready made cake from the bakery, served with a homemade punch. At one wedding, the tables in the hall were decorated with cuts of greenery from the trees nearby (for free) tied in ribbons, and little cups from the Goodwill, cleaned and shined, containing the votive candles in the bride's colors. There are many things we have in our homes today that can be used for receptions. The groom's mother took her wicker settee ensemble to the reception, and created a lovely backdrop for the pictures for the bride and groom. She decorated the entire fellowship hall with things straight out of her own house. Although the reception is more relaxed than the wedding ceremony, it is still not a time for guests to wander around the grounds or the hall in beach clothes, and the same rules apply to them now as at the wedding itself.
Gifts - There seems to be a trend away from the gift registration system, due to the fact that the bride does not always like the style of the items available in the stores which provide bridal registration, and also to the fact that one plate for a place setting is too expensive for a guest to buy. She can provide a list of the things she would really like to have, and give it to anyone who asks about appropriate gifts. Guests also want to enjoy picking out the gift themselves and creating something special. Brides do not want the guests to feel obligated to buy a certain thing, so some brides just leave the gift giving a choice of the guest. Before bridal registration was the norm, guests usually just gave something memorable and of high quality, such as linen table cloths, crystal salad bowls and long-lasting bedding. The proper wedding gift consists of something for the home that is intended for both the man and the woman to use. Personal items for the couple and non-house items (such as new tires for the groom's car) belong in a different category, and may be given privately. Food items are more appropriately given in showers and "poundings" (a pound of sugar, a pound of flour, etc.), but not at the wedding.
Couples these days are opening their gifts in front of their guests in order to allow them to see their appreciation. Sometimes guests will have to leave the reception early and will request that theirs be opened next, so they can see the couple enjoy the surprise. I quite like this trend, as it brings everyone in closer fellowship, than the stale, formal way of leaving the gifts for someone else to open after the bride and groom have left the reception room. However you choose to do it is fine, as long as you can prevent hurt feelings. A bridesmaid, mother, or sister usually has a special book that she records the name of the gift and the giver, so that you can easily send out thank-you notes. Send out thank you notes within a few weeks, and even if you are deplorably, late, do send them out. There is nothing more hurtful than not having your gift acknowledged. Some brides also send out little more thank you notes after using the gift, stating how she thinks of the giver whenever she sees that item, even if it is years later.
Leaving the Wedding for the Honeymoon - Just because the formality is over, is no excuse to dress down to travel to your destination. I have seen brides and grooms on their way to their wedding trip dressed in plastic beach shoes, shorts, and tank tops, carrying their clothing in school bags. Whatever happened to the "trousseau"? This is the bride's wardrobe for the honeymoon trip; the clothes she has chosen to wear for the first week of her life as a married woman. The "going away outfit" can either be your wedding dress which you keep wearing the rest of the day, even when you travel, or a special travel outfit that is similar to the wedding dress, suitable for comfortable travel. Whatever you decide to wear, remember to be at your best on the honeymoon. Just because you are married now is no excuse to let down and look grungy. You may be familiar now with your husband, but you needed be disrespectful in your appearance. Out of respect for your new husband, you can dress up every day of your honeymoon, take pictures, and create a wonderful album of pictures for future generations. Below are two pictures of my Lily and her husband leaving for their honeymoon. (Click the thumbnails for larger images.) He has removed his bow-tie, and she has changed into a simple, attractive traveling outfit with hat and purse to match.
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The Toast - The best man at a wedding I attended made the following speech: "I want you to look at the ring that has been on my finger for 10 years. It has been chipped and bent from the work I have had to do over the years to support my family. If I wanted to, I could not remove this ring, for it has been smashed into my finger. I hope that your rings get smashed into your fingers so you can't remove them. I hope that this first day of your marriage is not the best day of your marriage. I hope that each day gets better and better, so that at the end of 50 years, you look happier and more content than you do now." This is our goal, isn't it? To be happier at the end of our marriage than at the beginning? That is why we treat each other as Christians, being careful what we say, being a willing helper, and treating another person more important than oneself.
The Home - There will be vexations and disappointments in marriage, but you must allow yourself time to get over the difficulties. Too many couples are not patient with problems and it creates more strain on marriage than necessary. I once read a story by Washington Irving about a man who had lost his well paying position and could no longer afford to keep his nice house and all the luxuries he had given his wife. They moved to a run down place in the country, and he had taken a lesser job. Although he was downcast about this and reluctant to face his wife the first day in their reduced circumstances, he was pleasantly surprised. To read this story, click on this link.
Wedding
Leo Carty
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