Is There Love After Marriage?

Posted By on May 6, 2012


A year and a half into our marriage, we were walking on the fair grounds, commenting on the young couples in love: teen girls carrying bears won by their boyfriends at the clown toss, couples nestled in the seats of a Ferris wheel, others dancing to the live band, a few making out behind the vendors’ stands.

“Remember when we were that in love?” David said to me.

Were? The comment bothered me. It was the same thing my parents had said, jokingly to each other and with smiles in their eyes, when they watched David and I fall in love. At that time, we were so in love that I couldn’t imagine that there would ever come a time when I would not want to spend hours cuddling, lost in long conversation about everything under the sun. I had always believed we would keep the inloveness alive long after the wedding, despite what I heard older folks say.

To me, it was a problem that our feelings were changing. And I’m not the only one in our generation to feel that way. We know people who have broken up because they were concerned that their feelings would not stand the test of time. And the young adults that we spent two summers interviewing for the Love and Marriage in Middle America Project expressed the same fears about losing “the spark” after the wedding day….

David and I wondered what people who had been married 50-plus years would say about all of this. So we gathered together a small group of senior citizens at the local retirement community and hosted a “Town Hall Meeting on Marriage.” What we heard is that, for these folks, marriage is not primarily about feeling perpetually and passionately in love, but about “companionship” and “having a family, children, a home.”

Read the rest HERE. This is an excellent piece that highlights the richness of a mature married love. I am here to testify that the love my husband and I have for each other is far, far deeper than the initial newlywed “spark,” though, at the time, we thought that was incredibly intense, deep love. But over time and through the births of children and the many ups and downs of daily life God has taken us through, that love has carved a deep channel in both of us. The new-love spark is wonderful, but it’s not all there is, and it is so worth the investment of time and emotions in our spouse to see love grow and weather the storms of life.

About The Author

Mrs. Chancey is the mother of 12 children, all of whom keep the household bubbling with life, learning, and levity. Jennie co-founded LAF in 2002 with Lydia Sherman and has been delighted to hear from women all over the world who enjoy their femininity and love to cultivate womanly virtues.


8 Responses to “Is There Love After Marriage?”

  1. DLight says:

    Thank you, Mrs. Chancey, for linking this beautiful article, and for including a piece of your own testimony. I always enjoy the articles you share, and many times wonder how you find all these good bloggers. 🙂

  2. Hi, DLight! One word: “newsfeeds!” I have Google set up to send me a daily digest of stories with certain keywords, and I’m also on’s eNewsletter list, so I get their weekly digest of articles, too. And a lot of new folks also “find” me and post links on the LAF Facebook page, so that’s how we’re able to discover more good writers. Thanks for the lovely comment!

  3. mellison says:

    Thanks so much for sharing this Mrs. Chancey! A real encouragement, and good way of looking at love after marriage.

  4. DLight says:

    Thanks for responding, Mrs. Chancey. I’m going to try out newsfeeds.

  5. My husband and I will be married 15 years in August. We were friends for five years before that and to some extent, that never changed – we’re still best friends.

    Obviously things were different in the beginning. We were starry-eyed newlyweds. After our first baby was born, a year and a half after the wedding, things naturally changed. A move across the country to seminary, two more babies while we were there, another move across the country, another baby, moving BACK to the south and another baby (that makes five in case you lost count) only tell part of the story. There were major heartbreaks and stressors, lost jobs and me working full time. Since then we have moved again and I have been at home for two blessed years. The last year brought heartbreak again when we lost two baby boys at 13 weeks, eight months apart.

    Through it all our marriage has only grown stronger. We know we can rely implicitly on each other. No matter what happens we will be together and with God’s help will weather whatever storms come our way. I pray we are given many more years together, but if God’s will dictates otherwise and I, for instance, am left a widow, I wouldn’t trade these past 19 years for anything.

    And as far as that “spark”, well, let’s just say that it’s still there, despite some additional pounds on both sides and a lot of stretch marks on mine. (:

  6. ayiticherie says:

    Good Afternoon,

    I have recently discovered your website. Thanks for your wisdom.

    The link to read the rest of the article is no longer working. Would you be so kind as to give me/post the proper link.

    I would very much like to hear what was said during the Town Hall Meeting on Marriage.

    Thanks so much!

  7. Sorry about that! I’ll dig around and see if I can find it. Thanks!

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