When Sons are Grown and Gone

Posted By on October 20, 2014

By Barbara Rainey at Momlife Today

Kerem Tapani Compfight CC

Kerem Tapani Compfight CC

A recent comment on our blog came from Elaine, who wrote to say:

Right now the “when-then” in my life is “when our oldest son decides to include us in his life again, then I will be happy.”

She wrote with an obvious sense of loss and pain over this changed relationship. I am so grateful for her honesty with us, and I understand. Though her situation and mine may be very different in terms of the particulars, I, too, experienced a profound loss with both of my sons after they married. I knew they needed to transfer their allegiance to their new wives. I wanted that and encouraged it. I even thought I was prepared for it.

But I quickly discovered a new reality of being not just second place in their lives but of feeling unnecessary. They would have never said this if asked, but it was how I felt. They were busy learning how to do marriage. They were busy learning how to do business and work. Their learning curve was steep, and whereas I had been a part of previous learning curves in their lives when they lived at home, now I was not included or needed. I knew it was right, but it didn’t lessen my sense of loss.

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